


Corner of the World 41: Fade to Black

by serafina20



Series: Corner of the World [44]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Episode Related, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 12:55:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serafina20/pseuds/serafina20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan and Lex bond while Ryan grows progressively more ill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Corner of the World 41: Fade to Black

Some days, you woke up and everything was perfect. The sun was shining, you felt terrific, and little birds flew out of the sky to help you dress. Fairies sang in the bushes as you drove to work, and every single goddamn person you met smiled and told you to have a nice day.

And then, some days, the mayor wouldn't let you expand your business because he wanted a bribe. And your boyfriend's closest thing to a little brother called panicked from a hospital, begging to be rescued. And your father lived with you.

Lex fought back something that wasn't quite a growl and definitely wasn't a sigh and drummed his fingers on the table harder. His eyes were narrowed as he scanned and rescanned the people in the Talon, wondering who among them lined the mayor's pockets and why the hell none stood up to the asshole.

"Call this man," Tate had said. "He'll explain how things work."

As if Lex needed a roadmap. He knew the way politics worked. Hell, he'd orchestrated the biggest election fraud in Excelsior's history his junior year. It'd been one of the reasons they'd graduated him early: they hadn't known whether to expel him or reward him, so they'd gotten him out as soon as possible.

But this was Smallville. The land that time was kicked out of. It was idyllic and safe, and yeah, there sure were a lot of evil-crazy mutants here, but what town didn't have its quirks? Blackmail and corruption wasn't supposed to be a part of Smallville. It was the one place where Lex felt clean.

And now a minion of the devil wanted to see him dance in his conga line from hell. Bastard.

This time it was just a sigh with no growl in sight. The sigh wasn't so much of defeat as a sigh of resignation. It wasn't that Lex was so taken aback that he couldn't dance for the mayor, it was that he didn't want to and, at the moment, he didn't know how to avoid it. Unless he went to war, which he obviously was going to have to. He just didn't have to like it.

His cell phone rang Damien's name flashing in the window.

"What have you found?" Lex demanded by way of greeting, voice tight.

There was the briefest hint of a pause before Damien began speaking in a low, soothing voice. "Summerholt is not a hospital, but a research facility."

Lex winced at Damien's tone. Although Damien was, for the most part, a fairly calm and even tempered individual, his voice really only took on that particular pitch and cadence when he felt Lex sounded a too high strung. He was much like a parent who spoke quietly to his screaming offspring in hopes they would follow his example. As much as Lex hated to admit it, it usually worked.

He took a deep breath. As he released it, he gritted, "Oh?" between his teeth. Well, it was quieter, if not calmer. When he opened his eyes, though, Theresa was giving him a look. He started blankly back at her until she left. That bitch.

"Yes," Damien replied, "and since it appears that Ryan may be being held under duress, the DA is interested at looking into their research practices. She's asked me to gather background information and evidence and send it to her at the as soon as I have anything substantial. Dominic is as Summerholt now speaking with those in power. I also have two people interviewing the night crew and janitors, and one infiltrating the organization. I should have enough to send a preliminary report tomorrow."

"Ever tell you how much I appreciate the miracles you manage to pull off?"

"Once or twice."

"I do." He sighed and sipped his coffee. "I'm at the Talon right now, trying to work. I should be home in a few hours."

"Very well. Oh, when Dominic called, he reported that Lionel has arrived in Metropolis safely, but, beyond the meeting at Luthor Corp, has not ventured outside his penthouse."

He sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, here's the thing, Damien: I'm confused as anyone with Dad's recluse act, but I can't bring myself to actively worry. Or even really care. If he wants to lock himself up, ignore his mistresses, and give the finger to the social side of business, that's his decision. If stock goes down and the company starts to falter, then I can move in and help, but until then, I just don't care."

There was silence from the other end. A long, dragged out silence that had Lex worried.

"Damien?" he said finally, drumming his fingers on the table just to hear some sort of noise in his immediate area.

"Do you really not know why your father is becoming a social recluse, or are you being deliberately obtuse?" His voice was slightly sharp, and Lex shifted in his seat.

"Uh ... because he's angry?" Lex guessed.

"Partly. And partly because he's used to being seen as a strong, capable, and, above all, whole man. However, that is no longer true, so, instead of facing the pitying looks he will receive that he won't be able to see, your father refuses to subject himself to them."

Lex frowned. "Are you talking about him or you, Damien?"

He sighed. "A little of both, only I _can_ see the pity. But, unlike him, I have something greater than myself to live for that forces me to rise above my own ... frustrations at my limitations."

"People who pity you are just ignorant, Damien."

"And yet the end result is still the same: I am treated like a child, extraordinarily slow, or as if I don't quite exist. No, it is not as bad as it could be, I know that. The town has gotten used to me, and those whom I deal with for you have either been trained to be politically correct or couldn't care less, but there are days ..." He sighed again. "Of course, that is just other people. I do have a tendency to think I can do more than I am currently capable of only to be disappointed when I can't. I'm sure it's the same for your father. We are both men of pride, as are you, and we don't want to be reminded of our limitations."

Lex rubbed his forehead and nodded. "I know. But, as I told my father, I can't let him behave as if his blindness is an excuse for self-pity. Ever since I told him that, he's been acting less like a child, but if he's still choosing to isolate himself, then there is nothing I can do about it."

"No, there isn't, and you've done what you can. His blindness is still new. As he grows accustomed to it, and resigned that this is now his life, he will realize he can't close himself off."

"Yes, I guess. I did. You have." He sighed. "I don't suppose there's anyone that Dad hasn't alienated too badly that we could send to him and snap him out of his funk."

"I thought you didn't want to get involved."

"I don't. But it does occur to me that if Dad gets .... Finds some companionship," he altered carefully as one of the waitresses walked by, "things might be a little better."

Damien laughed. "Understood, sir. When I talk to Dominic, I'll ask him if he knows of anyone."

"Thank you. I'll be home in about an hour or so. Maybe later; I'm going to swing by the Kents' after I leave here."

"Very good." He hung up.

Lex closed his phone and stuffed it into the pocket of his jacket. Then, as he swept his eyes over the Talon once more, he drained his coffee.

He'd no sooner set the mug back down when Lana appeared at his table with another steaming mug in her hand.

"Lana," he said civilly. He looked at the fresh cup in confusion, and glanced down at what he'd been drinking.

She smiled sweetly and handed him the cup. "You look like you could use a pick me up since you seem to be having a rough afternoon."

He took a wary sip of his new drink and immediately felt himself relax. She'd brought him a cafe au lait, which was just about the best drink in the world.

"Go slowly on that," Lana warned. "I'm only giving you one an hour, so conserve." There was a pause as Lex took another sip before she asked, "Anything I should be worried about?"

He took a sip and savored it a moment before saying, "I don't know what you mean. I'm fine."

"Lex, you're scaring customers away."

"What?"

"You know. The customers? The people who come in and give us money for coffee and pie and things? Well, you keep glaring at them all, and they don't seem to like it, so they keep leaving. And when they leave, they don't linger and spend more money and when we don't make money, you get cranky. I don't want to have to remind you that, in this case, it was all your fault in the first place, so I'm telling you now to cut it out or go upstairs and sulk."

When the hell had this girl grown a backbone, and why hadn't anyone told him? All right, no, it wasn't exactly new; Lana had snarked at him before. And she definitely was more interesting when she was snarky. Kind of cute, too.

But that didn't mean he had to take it. "Watch it, Lana, I own you."

Her grin widened. "You own the Talon, and you can't do anything to it, so it's a pretty empty threat."

"Well, I know where you live." He raised an eyebrow.

To his surprise and, yes, disappointment, instead of tossing another come back in his direction, Lana's expression changed and shoulders drooped. He was about to ask her what had happened, when she said in a strained voice, "Yeah, well, only for another few weeks."

Lex frowned. "What?"

One of her shoulders raised. She was avoiding his eyes. "Nell told me that we're moving to Metropolis. Dean got offered a new, higher paying job."

He tried to fight back the sigh, but failed. God, it was all so much and all so _now_. Well, it was what he got, he supposed, for allowing his confrontation with Nell to stretch out so long. After the emergency audit of the Talon's books, Lex had sat back and waited before deciding what to do. Apparently he'd have to decide soon or risk losing the opportunity.

"Any idea when?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I see. Thank you for telling me."

"You're welcome." She gave him a sad smile and started to turn away.

"Lana?" he said, stopping her on impulse.

She turned back, surprise quickly flitting across her face before composing itself into neutral lines. She was actually pretty good at that.

"Yes?"

Lex hesitated, feeling awkward. He wasn't supposed to be doing this. He was supposed to be rejoicing that she was leaving. _The_ girl that Clark had spent years adoring, all the while repressing his memories of Lex, was finally, _finally_ leaving. She'd be gone, swallowed by the city, and he wouldn't have to worry about her anymore.

Except .... He _didn't_ worry about her anymore. And he hadn't really for a few months now. Especially since Clark had met Aaron and proved, once and for all, no matter who he was attracted to, he always came home to Lex. Lana ... Lana was his past, and would always remain so. Clark wasn't going to leave him for her.

Which meant that Lex had to stop acting like a child and start treating her better. Starting now.

"It'll be okay," he finally said. "You'll like Metropolis."

She blinked, looking surprised, and then sighed. "It's not home."

"No," he agreed wryly. "It's not. But you know ..." Lex stopped talking abruptly, feeling his skin pimple. Awareness skittered over him uncomfortably, and he scanned the room, sitting taller. Someone was watching him, and had been for quite a few minutes. Lex didn't know how exactly he knew, just that he did, and he always trusted his instincts.

There was a man in the front of the Talon by the cash register, eyes on Lex. His hip was pressed against the counter, body turned away, but head looking towards Lex's table. When Lex met his eyes, the man's fair skin colored ever so slightly and he looked away. But he turned back after a moment and looked at Lex again, this time raising his eyebrow.

"Lana," Lex said softly, not breaking eye contact with the man. "Is that your English teacher at the counter?"

Lana turned before Lex could ask her to look discreetly. "Yeah, that's him. Hey, Mr. Townsend." She smiled and waved.

Mark Townsend seemed to take that as an invitation. He pulled away from the counter and weaved his way through the Friday evening crowed to Lex's table. "Hi, Lana. How are you tonight?" he asked, glancing at Lana for only the briefest moment before turning his eyes to Lex once more.

"I'm good. How about you?"

"Fine, thank you. I'm here for a latte and to grade papers."

Lana mock grimaced. "Then let me go get that for you right away. I don't want to take the chance you're in a bad mood when you grade my paper."

He laughed and finally really looked at her. "Trust me, Lana, you have nothing to worry about. You're a good student. I just think you need to concentrate a little more on your work. You've got a lot of potential. You just need to apply yourself."

Her cheeks colored and Lana ducked her head. "Yeah, well, I do my best. I'll go get your latte."

"Thanks." When Lana left, Mark turned to Lex and smiled. His smile was noticeably cooler and much more nervous.

Good. He deserved to be nervous.

When several seconds passed and Mark didn't say anything, Lex finally broke the ice. "Can I help you?" he asked politely yet distantly. Without breaking eye contact, he placed his hand on the folder in front of him, trying to indicate that he was busy and didn't have time for this.

"I was wondering if I could join you," Mark replied.

Great. "Do I know you?"

Mark hesitated a moment. "We haven't been introduced, no, but I think you know who I am."

"Oh?"

His jaw tightened. He glanced around him, then said, "One of my exes called earlier this week and told me that there's a man--a detective--going around and asking a lot of questions about me."

Fucking incompetent detective. Lex knew he should have flown out his regular instead of taking a referral for one in San Francisco. While Lex was normally a good judge of character, was a lot harder to judge the character of someone when you'd only heard his voice.

Mark was gazing at him through big brown eyes that looked as if they were begging him not to have been the one who'd set the detective on him.

He fought back a sigh and gestured to the seat across from him. "Have a seat."

Mark sat down.

Lana came over and gave him his latte. She started to say something, but Lex shot her a poisonous look, which sent her scampering away.

When she was gone, Mark leaned foreword. "So. It was you, wasn't it?"

"What would make you think that? We have nothing in common, no real link. What possible reason for investigating you would I have?" Lex asked, hoping he could get out of this.

Mark frowned and set down his black backpack. "I simply assumed it was. I don't have any proof it was you, but, well, I'm Clark Kent's teacher. A few weeks ago, I accidentally read a letter of his, and you were mentioned in ... connection with him. I can only imagine that he told you, and you are looking for some sort of blackmail material to keep me quiet. Which, I assure you, you don't need."

He arched an eyebrow, wondering how he was going to play this. Whitney hadn't exactly been circumspect in his letter; friends didn't "get back together." Lovers did. And Lex was the only one in town named, "Lex" and the only Alexander who went by a nickname. Mabel had checked for him. So, either he could try to lie, or he could ...

Wait. Technically, he didn't have anything to worry about. Yes, the whole homosexual sex thing was a legal issue, but Lex was almost positive that Mark Townsend wasn't going to report him. The age thing wasn't a problem, since Clark was over the age of consent, so, as long as Lex didn't say anything stupid, perhaps they could move past this and quickly.

"I see."

Mark frowned. "Was it you?"

Lex hesitated. He shouldn't tell. He should let this man think it was someone else. Except he obviously knew his adversaries, so even if Lex denied the charge, Mark probably wouldn't believe him.

Finally, he sighed, lifted his coffee mug, and said, "Yes."

"Why? Why didn't you just confront me about this?"

"What was I going to say, Mr. Townsend? Right now, the only thing you have is a letter that is vague enough that I could accuse you of slander should you attempt to implicate me in anything."

"Mr. Luthor, I don't have enough information to even consider doing so. The only thing I might do is speak to Clark about it further and, depending on what he has to say, his parents. I know that he is sixteen, which means he's ..." He trailed off and shrugged, raising a meaningful eyebrow at Lex.

Lex nodded slightly to indicate his understanding.

"And discussing this with his parents is delicate as well. Clark claims that he is open with his parents, and they know what is going on in his life. However, he could have said that just so I wouldn't speak with them. I don't ..." Mark hesitated a moment before saying hurriedly, "I don't want to go to his parents about something like this and risk having it hurt Clark."

 _That_ was fairly telling. As was the expression on Mark's face.

Lex cocked his head and put down his mug. "I take it that it blew up in _your_ face, then."

Mark's cheeks turned bright red and he looked down at the table.

Holy fuck. "You're not even out, are you?"

He coughed, looking terrifically embarrassed. "Uh, no," he said before he took a large gulp. "Not here. Dad and I aren't close, even now. He was barely around when I was growing up. Just holidays and a few weeks out of the summer. And it's so different out here. I grew up in San Francisco, and the atmosphere is different."

"I've been there. It is. It's different in Metropolis, too. Not like San Francisco, but not like here," Lex said, wondering why he was bothering.

"Yes, well. I don't see any reason to upset Dad, or to risk my job or my safety. Especially with Dad's health like it is."

Lex nodded slowly. "I understand." He was silent a moment, considering. Finally, he said, "I'm not anything in this town. I've had one public affair since coming, and that was with a woman."

"No one's forgotten your past, though."

"I know. I was written about. It's common knowledge that I've been seen with men before. But no one says anything and I don't talk about it."

"But there are some rumors about you. And Clark. Not many, but every once in awhile, you and Clark will be in public and do something that catches someone's eye. And then they remember what was written about you from younger days and speculate." He stirred his latte. "I know that you're not flaunting anything, and had I not found the letter, I might not have questioned too much, but .... Mr. Luthor, you do look suspicious sometimes." He averted his eyes, as if expecting Lex to blow up at him or order him to leave. Which he was tempted to do. Lex _hated_ strangers prying into his personal life but, at the same time, turnabout was fair play, he supposed.

So he frowned and asked, "What do you mean?"

"It looks odd, especially to the people in this town. You're fairly young, I know, but ... How old are you?"

"Twenty-two."

Mark's eyebrows raised. "Oh. Oh, I thought you were older."

Lex shook his head.

"Well, okay. Anyway, you're young, but come off as much older. Your position in town, the power you have, and the sheer maturity you exude make people think you are at the very least thirty. Even if they know how old you are, it's easy to forget when speaking with you, or even just seeing you. And since you come off as so much older than you are, people often wonder why your only friend seems to be Clark. Or Clark and Chloe, since you're sometimes seen with both of them."

He stiffened. "I'm friends with the entire Kent family. I stayed with them this past summer. My friendship is not only with their son."

Mark shook his head. "No, I'm sure it's not. I'm glad to hear that it is not. However, you never go out and get a cup of coffee with Mrs. Kent, or go out to the Wild Coyote for a drink with Mr. Kent. You may go over for dinner occasionally, but when people see you, they see you with Clark, and that is what they remember. And there are rumors, Mr. Luthor, vague as they might be."

Lex suppressed a sigh and sipped his coffee. He'd have to ask Mabel is she'd heard anything; she knew how to work the gossip line well and, if she hadn't heard anything yet, would be able to ferret it out quickly.

Not that it really mattered. Knowing the rumors wasn't going to stop them, even with the idea of knowledge being power. Action would be the only thing to stop the rumors, but Lex wasn't quite sure what actions were necessary here. He could stop hanging out with Clark in public, but people would still know if Clark visited his house, unless Clark only came over in the dead of night. As fun as those types of visits were, they weren't the only thing Lex needed from Clark.

He could start inviting the rest of the kids over for movie night again, like he did when he and Clark had first started dating, but that would lead back to the fact that his only friends were in high school. He could start driving out to Metropolis on the weekends and going to a few of the social events he kept dodging, which actually, was something he should do. LexCorp was never going to become anything of consequence without connections, and the company seemed stable enough to start expanding.

The problem with going to Metropolis, however, was the drugs and drinking. Out here, Lex was sheltered from it all. Not only that, but he had Clark to think of. He'd still think of Clark in Metropolis, but there were only so many times people could invite him into the back room for a hit of something before his resistance would crumble. And from there, it was even a shorter step to being the supplier, because while junkies at the clubs paid well for his stuff, it was his father's friends who'd helped him build up the investment portfolio his father still didn't know about.

So, he'd go to some of the dinners and parties. He'd have to try and find a date, preferably a woman. He'd get his picture in the tabloids and the Daily Planet and ....

"I need friends in town, don't I?" he mused out loud, feeling another sigh building.

Mark frowned. "Excuse me?"

"I've been trying to think of ways to make myself appear more like I'm socially competent. The only problem is, everyone I know is in Metropolis. Even if I'm seen with friends there, people will glance at me in the morning paper, and then see me having coffee with Clark here." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why is this a small town in Kansas?"

"I ask myself the same question every day." He smiled tentatively. "Look, Mr. Luthor .... Is it okay if I call you Lex?"

He shrugged. "I suppose."

"Lex, we're kind of in the same boat. Most of the teachers at school are either married or women or married and women. Look at me. It's Friday night and I'm at the coffeehouse alone grading papers."

"Point?"

"My point is, if you ever want to get a cup of coffee with someone other than Clark, I'd be happy to."

Lex stiffened. "I don't need your pity."

He laughed. "You're kidding, right?" He leaned forward and dropped his voice to a near whisper. "I'd get to spend time with an attractive genius. It's not exactly a hardship on my part."

He leaned forward as well. "You do realize I'm taken, right?"

Mark smiled. "I know. And while you are attractive, I'm not coming on to you. I don't have many friends here, you're about my age, and I think we might both get something from hanging out."

Lex nodded and pulled away. "We'll see how things go."

"And you'll call off the detective? I can tell you whatever you need to know."

He shook his head. "I already got all the information I needed. I simply needed to make sure you were what you appeared. It, ah, wasn't the letter so much as the fact you told Clark you were watching him. We've had, well, problems in the past, and I can't be too careful."

Mark frowned. "I'm not watching him like putting surveillance cameras on him or anything. I just keep an eye out for him at school. He seems to be battling depression a lot this semester, and I want to make sure we don't lose him. He's so gifted, as I'm sure you know, and I know he'll go far."

"I know."

"I'm sure you do. You don't help him with his essays, do you?"

Lex shook his head. "I might give him some suggestions and correct grammar, but they're all his."

"Amazing." Mark smiled, shook his head, and then took a sip of his coffee.

Lex was about to ask Mark about his education, when Clark's mind suddenly ^slammed^ into him.

/Lex?/

He winced and jerked his head back involuntarily. God, not only was Clark really loud, but he was far. At least a hundred miles, if not more. He didn't know if he'd be able to answer with all the distraction in the room, but he took a deep breath and did his best. /Where are you?/

/Metropolis. Close you mind. Now./

/What?/

/Do it!/ Clark broke the connection and disappeared behind his shields.

"Lex?"

Lex rubbed his eyes, head aching from the contact. "Sorry. Sorry, I ... I'm getting a headache." He dropped his hand and looked into Mark's concerned eyes.

"Do you need anything? I have aspirin."

He couldn't stop the laugh. "Sorry. I mean, no. No, thank you, I don't take over the counter medication." He rubbed his forehead again. "I'd like to stay and talk, but I think that maybe I should go."

"Oh." Mark seemed to deflate. "Okay, if you're not feeling well."

"Well," Lex checked his watch. Clark was in Metropolis, which meant he probably wouldn't be getting back until ....

Oh, _fuck_.

Lex barely got his shields up before his head exploded. The world around him went a blinding white as a meat cleaver seemed to slam into the exact center of his head. The shields dissolved as his head filled with static so loud it blocked out everything in the room.

/Hurts ... God .... Clark ..../

/Ryan's here, I know it. They're ly..../

/Sleepy ..../

Disjointed, half-thoughts filled Lex's head, some Clark's, and others from a completely different source. Their thoughts twisted and writhed beneath his skull, pulsating in his brain until Lex was certain he was going to die.

"Lex, breathe. Listen to me and breathe," he heard someone saying from very far away.

He tried to obey, but he couldn't. His chest was closed. Pain clawed at his chest as it constricted tighter and tighter, closing in on him. One hand flailed out and hit flesh.

"Here. He's got an inhaler," he heard another person say.

The inhaler was placed in his mouth. Two puffs of medicated air entered his lungs, and the pressure eased.

"Lex?" It was Lana saying his name. One of her hands was curved around his skull, the other holding the inhaler just in front of his lips. "Blink once if you can hear me."

He coughed and took a wheezing gasp. It was still painful to breathe.

"Lex!"

Oh, right. He blinked once.

"Good. Do you need more? Blink once for yes."

He blinked again, and she placed the inhaler back in his mouth and squeezed. Lex breathed in and laid his head back. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on breathing as the pain in his head receded slightly. A thin barrier was around his mind; it wasn't enough, but it helped a little. He just hoped he'd be able to make them stronger because, otherwise, once Clark brought Ryan to Smallville, Lex would be miserable.

He tried to sit up, but Lana pushed him back down. "Stay down for a minute, Lex. It's okay. Theresa? Can you go get some water?"

"Sure."

Lana bent over him and stroked his forehead. "Just breathe."

Another wave hit him, and Lex closed his eyes. The pain was growing so intense, he felt like he was going to throw up. Lex breathed through his open mouth, fighting back nausea, and tried to strengthen his shields.

"Does this happen often?" he heard Mark asked softly. He was kneeling just above Lex's head.

"No. I know he gets headaches a lot, but not like this. Thanks, Theresa. Oh, good idea, thanks. Lex, I'm going to put a wet towel over your eyes, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered, throat dry.

"I'm going to lift your head," Mark said. "So you can drink."

A moment later, his head lifted. The world swam behind his closed eyelids, but Lex managed to keep the water down. When they laid his head back down, the towel went over his eyes.

"Is your phone in your jacket, Lex?" Lana asked.

"Yes."

Her small hand reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He heard her snap it open. A moment later, she spoke.

"Hello, Mr. Walters? This is Lana Lang. I'm at the Talon with Lex, and he has a bad migraine. Can you sent his limo or something to pick him up?" There was a pause. "It just hit him. Um .... Lex? Can you talk?"

He took the phone. "Damien?"

"What's going on?"

"Headache. Nothing that I haven't had before."

"You were fine earlier, and you rarely get migraines. Does this have anything to do with Ryan?"

"Got it in one."

Damien sighed. "The car should be there in a few minutes. In the meantime, I'll rush what I have to the DA and hope that she'll take this and whatever we have by morning." He sighed again. "Clark did this, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did." Lex winced, hearing static burst out of control. "Thanks, Damien." He hung up and slipped the phone back into his pocket, wishing fervently that he could get more control over his mental shields.

"Lex, did you want to go into the back?" Lana asked softly.

He thought about it a moment. Probably if he opened his eyes, everyone in the Talon would be looking over at him. God. And entire room had seen him black out, and no drugs were involved. He wondered what this was going to do to his reputation. Would people look down on him now, think he was a weakling, or feel like he was one of them not that he'd made a fool of himself?

"No," he finally answered. "I don't want to move too much until the car gets here." But he didn't want to sit on the floor anymore, either. He inhaled deeply, took the towel from his eyes, and sat up.

His stomach lurched and he stopped, gasping for air. His chest ached fiercely, his head pounded, and he generally felt like road kill.

Mark put slid his hands underneath Lex's arm pits, causing him to stiffen.

"On the count of three," Mark said softly. "One, two, three."

On three, Lex pushed up as much as he could, giving Mark the leverage to get him the rest of the way up. When Lex felt better, he'd either give Mark a reward or have him killed. He couldn't decide if he was grateful for the help or just humiliated.

Mark helped Lex back into his seat. "You okay?" he asked, looking at Lex as if he expected him to start spewing vomit or speaking in tongues.

Lex cleared his throat, which hurt his chest, and peeked past Mark and Lana. Sure enough, everyone in town was there, staring at him.

His ears flamed and he looked away.

"People," Lana said suddenly, voice so sharp that Lex actually flinched. "I said the show was over once already. Free drinks for anyone who actually goes back to their table and leaves us alone." Then she turned back. "Can I leave, or do you want me to stay until the car gets here?" she asked in a different tone.

Lex marveled at the easy way she'd controlled the room. The confidence she was showing was ... different. He'd seen glimmers of it once or twice, and had heard Clark tell him that, under pressure, she could be really collected, but it was almost like he was seeing an entirely new person.

One who wavered and blurred at the edges. And smeared pink. God, Ryan was fucking with his eyesight, too. Either that, or he was _really_ drunk.

He hoped he was drunk.

"Go ahead. And thank you."

She smiled. "Don't worry about it." Then she turned and left.

Mark pulled his chair around so he was sitting next to Lex. "Does this happen often?"

He sighed and shook his head. "No. I'm prone to headaches, but they're rarely this bad." Ears on fire, he looked away.

"I'm used to it. I once dated someone who got wicked headaches at the worst time."

Lex looked up at Mark's meaning-laced tone. Upon seeing the crooked grin and mischievous eyes, he said, "You're kidding. _During_ sex?"

"Well, not quite, but once we tried while he had a headache. He was fine, but other parts .... Well, they couldn't rise to the occasion. And then I was blamed for it all, so we broke up soon after."

"Trust me, this one wasn't your fault."

He laughed. "I'm relieved. I think your ride is here."

Lex looked at the door. One of his security guards was walking toward him, lips pressed in a thin line and his eyes scanning the room narrowly.

"Thanks, Mark. It's been a pleasant evening. Of sorts."

"Let's do it again."

From the tone in Mark's voice, Lex knew he wasn't throwing the possibility out there, but trying to get Lex to agree for something more settled. He thought about it a moment, then said, "Next Friday, same time?"

Mark stuck out his hand, which, after a moment, Lex shook. "It's a date."

* * *

Okay, so perhaps snatching Ryan out of his hospital bed without first finding out if he was physically able to make the trip was stupid. But he'd panicked, seeing Ryan lying so listlessly on the bed, wires attached to his head, reading his every thought. Well, brain waves, but same thing. The intrusion of it all had scared Clark, so he'd grabbed Ryan and run, intending to make it to Smallville before anyone noticed Ryan was missing.

At least, that's what he intended until Ryan had thrown up about a block from the hospital. That's when Clark decided it'd be better to get Ryan some clothes and let him wake up a little before running him over half of Kansas.

So, instead of continuing with his original plan, Clark took Ryan to Lex's penthouse. It took them a few minutes to get in, since the doorman wasn't convinced that two vomit covered boys _really_ belonged in Lex Luthor's penthouse, but Clark had all the security clearances so, in the end, they were allowed through.

"Are you sure we're allowed to be here?" Ryan asked weakly as Clark carried him through the living room.

"Of course. It's Lex's place, and he's cool with me using it if I need to. I thought that maybe we should take a break before heading to Smallville." He entered the bathroom and sat Ryan down on the closed toilet seat. "I forget that it's cold during the fall, and you aren't wearing warm clothes," he said as he found a washcloth and wet it under the sink.

Ryan was shivering. "You don't get cold?" he asked.

Clark shrugged and wiped the vomit off Ryan's face. "Not really. My body temperature's elevated, so usually I'm fine in whatever weather, unless it gets too hot. Here." He gave Ryan the cloth and then grabbed a glass off a shelf. After he filled it with water and handed it to Ryan, he said, "I'm going to go change and find you some clothes. Why don't you stay here in case you feel like you're going to throw up again?"

He nodded weakly and slid off the toilet, glass of water clutched in his hand. "Yeah, okay." He sniffed. "Thanks."

"Of course, Ryan. Anything." For a brief moment, Clark rested with his hand on Ryan's head, feeling the silky fine hair beneath his fingers. He seemed so small, suddenly, and frail. He was taller than the last time Clark had seen him, but pale and thin. It looked as if he'd actually lost weight, and his skin stretched over his bones in a way that made Clark's stomach growl in sympathy. And his eyes .... Well, right now they were glassy from whatever drug he'd been given, and probably from swirling emotions that Clark himself was feeling. But they were so big and so sad, that it made Clark want to sink to the floor and hold Ryan tight, protecting him from everything.

Instead, he squeezed Ryan's head gently and went into the bedroom.

"Clothes," he muttered, pulling open the closet door. Last time he'd been here, he'd left some normal clothes, so he was able to pull on a pair of loose fitting jeans and a tee shirt. Then he set about trying to find something for Ryan.

Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot. The closest shirt in his size was a girl's shirt, and Clark accidentally burned it before he realized that it might be of use. Oh well; the shirt had been three shades away from pink anyway, and Clark _really_ didn't want to show up in Smallville with the shirt on Ryan and Lex to get embarrassed. Some things were better left unknown.

Such as why there was a bra in the top drawer with the initials "V.H." in them. Or, rather, why there had been a bra of that nature. It seemed Clark was having trouble with his eyes.

After searching for about five minutes, he found a thermal shirt that wouldn't dwarf Ryan too much. His hospital pants would have to do for now, but Clark knew that they still had some clothes from when he was a kid at the farm.

The thought made Clark smile. Ryan would be coming home with him. Maybe he'd stay this time. It be just like they were really brothers. Ryan could wear his old clothes ... well, at least his clothes from before he'd hit his growth spurt. Somehow, even though Clark had been a pretty small kid too, he didn't think that Ryan was going to shoot up like he did. At least not overnight. Which was probably better for him.

But that wasn't all. They'd have Christmas together, and Thanksgiving. They'd go to the Farmer's Market and eat candy apples, and to the winter carnival and get cotton candy. And maybe ...

Clark's cell phone rang, startling him. "Hello?"

"Hello, Clark, this is Damien. Where are you?"

"Uh, then penthouse."

"And the boy is with you?"

Clark hunched his shoulders. "Uh, yeah." He bit his lip and then said, "Look, I'm sorry I did it, but I had to. They were drugging him, and doing experiments on him. It's not even a hospital. It's a _research_ hospital, and I had to do something." He stopped talking, heart pounding hard as he waited for Damien to say something more.

A beat of silence went by before Damien finally asked, "Are you through?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you. I know Summerholt is a research facility, and I've taken measures to protect you and Ryan from any legal action they may attempt to take. How long are you planning to stay at the penthouse?"

"Uh." Clark glanced back at the bathroom.

Ryan was standing in the door, looking uncertain. His eyes were still glassy.

Clark tossed him the shirt and replied, "Until Ryan is feeling better. Probably a few hours, I guess."

"Do you need me to send Dr. Sutton over to check on him?"

He frowned and thought about it a moment. Ryan had climbed onto the bed and curled into a small ball, eyes falling shut. "Ryan?" he said, pulling the phone away. "Do you want a doctor to come over and make sure you're okay?"

Ryan shuddered slightly, his frown deepening. "Do I have to?"

"No." Clark put the phone back to his ear. "I don't think he's ready to have a stranger poking at him right now. Maybe tomorrow or something would be better. I don't think he's sick; I think that his body is just trying to get the drugs out of his system."

"I see." There was silence on the phone a moment before Damien said, "Stay as long as you feel you need to. When you do come to Smallville, don't take Ryan back to your home. Bring him to the mansion."

"Uh, is that such a good idea? I mean, I don't want to hurt Lex."

"I can't imagine he'll be in any more pain than he already is."

Oh, _shit_. "I told Lex to close his mind off! It should have shielded him from the worst of the pain."

"Apparently, he either didn't have the time or it wasn't enough. He almost passed out at the Talon. He's down in his meditation room trying to relax now, but he seemed very uncomfortable when he arrived here."

Clark sighed and closed his eyes. Blindly, he moved over to the bed and sat down. "I didn't mean .... Sometimes when I'm going fast, I can't judge how long it's going to take me. I thought I'd given him enough time. I didn't even think about trying to rescue Ryan until about ten minutes before I got here. It was another one of those I thought too fast for my body or something. Do you think he'll be all right?"

Damien sighed very softly. "Yes, I'm sure he'll be fine. But bring Ryan here. We can protect him. Understand?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Call if you're going to be any longer than two hours, or if Ryan gets worse. I'd rather Dr. Sutton bring the both of you down than have Ryan hurting anymore."

Clark frowned and looked at Ryan. His eyes were closed and chest rising and falling evenly. The expression on his face was peaceful, but he was still shivering.

It'd be stupid to run with him like this. Clark wasn't a doctor; it was possible Ryan was sick from the drugs or whatever, but maybe there was something wrong. And maybe running him through the chilly autumn air would make it a lot worse.

"Just send her," Clark said. "But tell her that she can't touch Ryan unless he's throwing up or something. I think we should just drive."

"She should be there within the hour," Damien said, and Clark wondered if he'd already called her, or if she was just nearby. Sometimes, it was hard to tell with Damien.

"Thanks. I'll call you before we leave," Clark said before hanging up. Tossing the phone on the nightstand, he lay back on the bed and turned to face Ryan.

"Am I in trouble?" Ryan mumbled sleepily, opening his eyes a crack.

Clark shook his head and reached out to caress the side of Ryan's face. "No. Not at all. Why would you be? You haven't done anything wrong."

Ryan sighed and pushed his head into Clark's hand. "I made Lex sick again. He's going to be so angry when he sees me."

"No." He said it so firmly that Ryan's eyes flew opened, looking shocked. "No, Ryan," Clark repeated. "He's not going to be angry. Lex has been worried about you ever since you called. He wants to help. He wants to keep you safe, just like me."

"But he doesn't like me. He was so angry at me last time."

Clark shrugged. "That's because he's a snippy bitch when he's not feeling well. And he's very possessive over me even when he's fine. It's just he's not able to control himself as well. He wasn't angry at you, Ryan. He was just frustrated that he was sick and that I couldn't be there."

"You visited him. You spent a lot of afternoons with him." A tear slid out of his eyes.

He wiped it away with his thumb. "I did. But when I wasn't with him, I was with you, and when I was with you, he'd get that static thing going in his head. It was a constant annoyance that wore him down. That's all. Trust me. He may not be doing back flips and singing when we get home, but he won't be mad."

"Can't we just go to your house?"

"Not yet. Lex can protect you."

Ryan sniffed and closed his eyes. "Why do you love him so much? Why him and not Lana?"

Clark thought about it a moment, trying to figure out a way to say it so Ryan could understand. Why love the difficult, twisted, angry, sometimes bitter man when he could have the pretty, sweet, innocent girl?

"Because we fit together," he said finally. "And work. He makes the world make sense for me, and I do that for him. Our minds fit together like a puzzle piece, Ryan." Clark smiled when Ryan opened his eyes. "All my life I guess I was walking around with that piece of my mind and, yeah, my soul missing, and when we met, it just clicked. And if Lex seems angry or frustrating or even scary sometimes, it's because while he was searching for me, he was being hurt and I was being loved. It's hard being a teenager, Ryan, especially when you don't have parents or someone to love and support you. Lex didn't, so he has to hold on to me really tightly to make sure I don't leave him now that he's weathered one storm and heading into the next." He took Ryan's hand and squeezed. "I promise that you will never have to go through what he did. I know your life hasn't been the best, but it's going to get better. Even if you haven't found the other piece to your puzzle, and even if it's so hard for you because you can hear everyone and Lex and I couldn't, you're going to get through life knowing that you're loved. All of us, even Lex, love you. And I love him because he can love you even if he can't show it."

Ryan smiled, but his lips looked almost like they were twisted bitterly. But it was hard to tell for sure. He sighed and closed his eyes, tears being unleashed as he did. "I don't think there is another piece out there, Clark. I think it's just me."

Clark wasn't sure how to reply to that. There was such resignation and sadness in Ryan's tones that it hurt Clark. He didn't know how to fix it. So, he just put his arm around Ryan and held him close, hoping things would get better once they got home.

* * *

A whisper-soft wind breezed over Lex's bare back followed by the press of warm lips into the nape of his neck. He sighed contentedly and stretched, feeling catlike in the warm haze that surrounded him.

"Hey, baby," Clark whispered against his back. "How are you feeling?"

Lex moaned softly and reached his arms straight in front of him. They brushed the headboard as blood began to move sluggishly through his muscles. "'m okay," he sighed.

"You sure?" Clark's hands slid underneath his torso and nudged him onto his back. "Damien said you blacked out at the Talon and had a bad headache."

He opened his eyes. "I did. But it's mostly gone now."

"You're kidding." Clark's eyes went wide like he was shocked, and his eyebrows raised.

"Nope. When I got home, I managed to calm my mind enough to raise my shields. The more I relaxed, the stronger they got, until finally only the faintest hint of the static was there and the pain was gone."

Clark bent over and kissed him. "I'm amazed. I shouldn't be, but I am. I mean, when we broke up, you closed yourself off so tightly, I figured you should be able to do it again to protect yourself from Ryan, but .... I don't know what I wasn't sure of."

Lex reached up and threaded his fingers through Clark's hair. "I would have appreciated more warning, though. I was in public when you rescued Ryan. Talking with your English teacher."

He frowned. "Mr. Townsend? What about?"

"Apparently my PI wasn't quite as discreet as I would have liked him to be. Word got back to Mark that someone was asking questions about him, and he put two and two together and figured that I was the only one with motive."

"Mark?" He looked amused.

Lex cocked and eyebrow. "I'm an adult, Clark, and adults get to call each other by their first names. Besides." He shifted uncomfortable, feeling his ears warm. "He and I might be friends. Or try to be. And I can't go around calling a friend "Mr. Townsend."

"You two are friends?"

"Maybe. I don't know. We ..." Lex broke off, the faint buzzing in his head intensifying for a moment. "Is Ryan awake?"

Clark nodded. "Yeah. He's in the den."

Lex pushed at Clark gently until he rolled off him. "How's he doing? Did he let Dr. Sutton examine him?"

"Dr. Sutton couldn't come. Her car wouldn't start, so Mr. Senatori picked us up instead."

"Oh. How was that?" Lex climbed off the bed and crossed the room to his dresser.

"It was fine. He went to this soup place before we left the city and got Ryan and me some really good soup, and then on the way back, we stopped at a diner and got milkshakes. He was going to let us listen to whatever music we wanted, but Ryan had a headache, and it didn't hurt as much when he was listening to the classical music. It was actually pretty interesting, because Mr. Senatori told us all this stuff about the songs we were listening to. He knows a lot about music."

Lex nodded as his head emerged from his shirt. "He does, and I never knew how much until he and Damien got together. Apparently Dominic is almost a musical genius, but his stepfather discouraged him from pursuing it. Everything he knows he's either taught himself or learned on the sly." He took Clark's hand and left the room, heading for the den.

Clark frowned, looking broody. "That's terrible. I mean, if he loves it and is good, why couldn't he play?"

"Because his stepfather was an uneducated louse who wanted to make Dominic suffer. He's kind of like Dad with a bad accent, only Harry didn't consider Dominic his son, so Dom wasn't worth the time to train. At least Dad has a purpose with all his torture."

"But he's so nice. I mean, you've got an edge, you know? It takes forever until you can really see that you're all cuddly and soft. Mr. Senatori's .... It's like he's all out there, you know."

Lex stopped, stung. "What does that mean?" He sounded a lot more hurt than he'd meant to.

Clark stopped and looked at him a moment, face changing. He backed Lex against the wall and trapped him against it with his body and arms. "Lex. Baby. You know I love you. And you know that I think you are the greatest person ever to set foot on the face of this earth. But you've been hurt badly and it shows. You're emotionally distant and can be cold and have this mask that you put on around people that can make it impossible for them to get to know you. And you have a hard time wanting to get to know other people. That's why I'm surprised that you're saying that you might be friends with Mr. Townsend. You've lived here a year and you've made four real friends: me, my folks, and Chloe. And three of those friends you made because of me, and I had to drag you kicking and screaming into anything resembling a friendship with Chloe. So, yeah, while I'm a little weirded out by it because he's my teacher and you're my boyfriend and it's weird, I was just surprised by the fact that you've talked to him for one night and you're saying you're friends."

"I don't know if we're friends," Lex said stiffly. "I didn't mean friend. I meant ... we're just having coffee on Friday, that's all. He mentioned that you and I aren't being exactly discreet and it would help if I was seen with other people besides you and your friends. That's all," he said more heatedly than intended.

"People are talking about us?"

Lex shrugged. "A little. It's nothing too bad, but he was right. I should be seen with someone other than you. For business and my social life. Otherwise people will start thinking there's something wrong with me."

Clark kissed him gently. "There's nothing wrong with you."

"I _know_ that," he said, exasperated, but Clark put a finger over his lips and repeated, "There is nothing wrong with you. It's okay to need people other than me. And it's okay to be vulnerable and to care and to like people. And to have them really like you. You aren't needy, and, yes, I think that maybe Mr. Senatori might be a little needy. I don't know him that well, but he's so eager to please that it's occurred to me that he might go overboard. Look, you started the comparison between your fathers. I only continued it, but I'm not trying to say that there's something wrong with _either_ of you, but especially you."

Lex closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Clark. I don't know why I got upset."

"Because your head is full of static right now, and you're probably still tired from before. I also think you're nervous about seeing Ryan again, which is good because he's nervous about seeing you. He asked if he could go home with Dominic instead."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He thinks you hate him."

"I don't," Lex said, opening his eyes to look into Clark's.

" _I_ know that. But you need to convince him." Warm lips pressed into Lex's forehead before Clark pulled away.

Lex leaned into Clark hard. "How do I do that? Kids don't like me."

"Don't try to hard. Treat him like an adult, but don't be too cold or distant. He's a human being who needs love, Lex." Clark kissed his cheek. "You'll be fine." Then he pulled away and, taking Lex's hand, led him into the den.

Ryan was sitting on the couch, legs drawn up to his knees. He was pale and looked tired. When they entered the room, his turned his head so his chin was resting on his knees. "Hey," he said warily.

"Hey." Clark pulled Lex across the room to the couch.

"Hey, Ryan."

Ryan managed a wan smile. "Hey," he said listlessly.

Lex swallowed hard and threw a look at Clark, who just shrugged. "How are you feeling?"

One thin shoulder raised. "Okay. Better than I was. Thanks."

"Of course. I .... Mabel?"

Mabel walked into the room carrying a tray. "I heard we had guests, so I thought I should make some hot chocolate." She set the tray on the table. Looking at Ryan, she asked, "I heard you weren't feeling well earlier. Do you want anything to eat? Something that might settle your stomach?"

Ryan's cheeks turned pink. Lex thought he looked pleased at the attention as Ryan shook his head. "No, thank you. I had soup earlier, and I feel better now."

"Anything special for breakfast?"

He shook his head again.

"All right then, I'll be off to bed. I sent Lila away as you asked, Lex, and Damien sent all but five security guards home."

"Thank you, Mabel."

She smiled and left.

Lex extracted his hand from Clark's and handed Ryan his hot chocolate. "I wanted to make your stay as comfortable as possible, Ryan, so I sent anyone I could away. You're lucky; Dad was already out of town."

"Is he really that bad?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, he is," was Clark's tight response.

Ryan frowned and sipped his hot chocolate, watching Lex from the corner of his eyes.

Lex shot a glance at Clark over Ryan's head, wondering if he was doing something wrong. Clark just smiled back encouragingly.

"So, uh ... how did you wind up in Summerholt, Ryan? When last we saw you, you were heading for greener pastures." Oh, fuck, did he just say that? That was trying too hard. That was saying stupid, Jonathan Kent-platitudes to make himself seem more human. Why didn't just he ask if Ryan wanted to take a widdle nap wif his teddy bear while he was at it?

Ryan snorted into his hot chocolate, spilling on his shirt. When he looked at Lex, he looked amused.

"Enjoying my mental discomfort, are you?" Lex asked laconically, leaning back against the couch. He was already losing, might as well calm down.

"Yeah, I am. Except you're all muted, so it's hard to hear what's going on." He licked whipped cream off his upper lip.

Lex frowned. "Muted?"

"I can barely hear your thoughts, and when I do, it's like listening to someone talk from another room. No one's ever been like that before."

"Hmmm." He exchanged looks with Clark before saying, "I've closed my mental shields as tightly as I can. I spent almost an hour and a half meditating and strengthening them. I can barely hear the static I used to hear around you; maybe I'm not only blocking you out, but blocking me out from your mind as well."

"That's cool!" And just like that, Ryan seemed to warm to his presence. He moved closer to Lex and gazed at him through fascinated eyes. "Can you explain to me how you do it now? I've never figured it out. Maybe it'll help me."

Lex glanced at Ryan. "Sure, I can do that. But can we talk a little first?"

Ryan's face fell and he pulled back. "What do you want to know?"

Clark put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "I think it'd help Lex figure how to protect you best if we knew how you ended up there. What happened to your aunt?"

"She left me there. Because she found out I was a freak."

"You're not a freak, Ryan," Clark said gently. "You're different, just like Lex and me. We both ..."

"No, you don't both," he interrupted. "You only hear each other, and I hear everything and everyone. And I try to keep what I hear inside, but it's hard, you know? It just spills out. It started scaring her, and then I got some headaches and nosebleeds, so she took me to some doctors. And then Dr. Garner came and said he could help me, so she gave me to him and moved away."

Lex touched his arm gently. "Did she sign over guardianship?"

He nodded, sipping his chocolate. "Yeah, practically as fast as she could." His lower lip began to tremble. "She didn't want me. I just .... It's not fair."

"No, it's not. But you're not unwanted, Ryan. My folks want you. It killed Mom to have to give you up last time, but we thought you were going to be happy. I don't think she'll let you go now. And I want you for a brother, you know that." He squeezed. "It'd be great."

Ryan nodded slightly and raised his eyes to Lex. He studied him tentatively, eyes filled with tears, lower lip tucked beneath his teeth.

Lex sighed and closed his eyes. For a moment, static buzzed loudly in his head, making him wince. He was going to say the wrong thing, he knew it.

/Ryan?/ He opened his eyes.

The kid's frown deepened, and he looked surprised.

/I don't not want you around. I barely know you, but I do know you're a good kid. Can you give me another chance?/

"You're the one that doesn't like me," Ryan said out loud.

"That's not true. I don't know you. But Clark thinks you're a great person, and he's never wrong. I'm not worried about not liking you, I'm just worried about accidentally taking my feeling ill out on you. I might get cranky, but it's not because of you. It's because I'm ... spoiled," he admitted grudgingly after a moment. "And I like to be pampered."

Ryan grinned. "That's what Clark said. Except he said you got bitchy when you're sick."

Clark's face turned bright red and Lex eyes him narrowly. "Oh he did, did he? He ever tell you that he's a whiney brat when he's sick?"

"Lex!"

"I'm just telling it the way it is, Clark," Lex said innocently.

"Excuse me, Ryan." Clark rose from the couch and then pounced on Lex.

Lex jerked in shock, unsure what to do. He stayed relatively passive as Clark pulled him to the floor and rolled him over. They'd never wrestled before, and Lex hadn't exactly had any experience with it from his childhood. Pleasant experience, that was. Besides, Clark was made of steel. What the hell was he expecting Lex to do?

And then, Clark started tickling him.

"Clark!" he shouted, back arching. He scrambled to get away and to grab Clark's hands, trying to stop him.

Of course, Clark was too nimble and quick for him and, within a matter of seconds, Lex had, humiliatingly enough, dissolved in a fit of uncontrollable giggles. Not even laughter; they were giggles.

"Stop! Stop! Clark, God," he shouted, trying to get away.

Ryan was laughing in the background and it occurred to Lex that he was actually had a fun time when his chest seized.

"Clark," he gasped.

Clark must have sensed his sudden panic, because the tickling stopped right away. "You okay?" he asked, propping himself over Lex.

He nodded and closed his eyes, breathing harshly. His chest was sore and ached fiercely, but he didn't think he was going to have another attack. "I had an asthma attack earlier," he said, sounding wheezy.

"Ah." Clark kissed him gently, then picked him up and placed him on the couch. "Sorry."

"No." Blindly, he grabbed for Clark.

Clark took his hands. "I'm here." Lips pressed into the palm of his hand. "Open your eyes, okay?"

He complied, feeling stupid. God, he _hated_ being closed off from Clark; it always felt like Clark had disappeared and left him alone.

Clark was hanging over him, looking concerned. "You okay?"

"Fine. You took me by surprise." Then, not wanting to lose face in front of the kid, he added, "It was fun. Let's do it sometime when I'm feeling better."

His lips twitched. "I promise." Clark bent over and pressed his lips into Lex's. "Will you two be all right if I leave you alone for awhile? I need to go get Ryan some clothes, and give my parents a heads up on what's going on."

"You didn't tell them?" Lex said, mood souring.

Clark shook his head.

"Angel, that isn't a heads up, that's a watch out. Go home. I'll try to walk Ryan though shielding his mind."

"Are you sure?"

"Go." Lex arched up to kiss Clark again, needing to at least feel him physically.

The kiss lingered, Clark's hands wrapping around Lex's neck and holding. It wasn't deep or passionate; in fact, it wasn't anything more than their lips clinging to each other, long and loving. When they finally broke apart, Clark rested his head against Lex's.

"I'll be back again soon."

"Okay."

They kissed once more before Clark tore himself away. It felt painful on Lex's end, but he released Clark with as much grace as he could muster and Clark turned to Ryan and said, "I won't be long."

Ryan nodded, looking serious. "Okay. Be careful."

He grinned crookedly and said, "I always am." Then, with a wink, he was a gone.

Lex sighed and rested his head on the couch. "You okay?" he asked after a moment. Ryan had curled in on himself again, and was looking at Lex through squinted eyes, as if he weren't sure if he was allowed to be looking at him.

"Yeah." His cheeks turned red and he looked down at his coca. "I've never seen two guys kiss before, that's all."

"Oh." He cleared his throat and sat up. The fierce ache where Clark was supposed to be, combined with the fact that he _wasn't_ off limits like he was last time they'd closed off their minds, made it hard for Lex not to want to touch him. It was so empty without Clark, and feeling him physically, at least, made it more tolerable.

But, they were in the presence of a minor. And while Lex didn't want to have to restrain himself, Ryan was his guest under ... troubling circumstances, and Lex knew it would be common courtesy not to make the kid more uncomfortable.

"Does it upset you?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, I guess not. It's just weird, you know?" He cast his eyes downward and swallowed. "Uh, one time me and my stepfather and his wife were at this restaurant, and there were these two guys. They were holding hands and laughing and they kept getting really close and brushing noses. I thought they were going to kiss, but the only thing they did was one of them kissed the other on his cheek."

Lex raised his eyebrow, wondering where Ryan was going with the story, unless he just wanted Lex to know that he'd at least seen gay people before. "Uh-huh?"

"My stepfather trashed their car." Ryan said it dejectedly, his eyes downcast and face colored in shame.

It made Lex laugh, which, of course was the wrong reaction, but he couldn't help it.

"What?"

"Nothing," Lex assured him, still feeling the laugh in his throat. "It's just, from what I know of the bastard, it makes sense. I can see him doing it. But," he added in a more serious tone, "that doesn't mean that you are going to do the same thing," he added.

"I know that! I'm not stupid," Ryan said hotly.

Lex shook his head. "No, you're not. But every day I think about the things my father has done and worry that I might do the same. And every time I start worrying too much, Clark tells me the same thing I'm telling you: You are not your stepfather. Just because you watched him do bad things, and heard his thoughts as he did them, and, maybe, sometimes thought he was right, doesn't mean that _you_ are going to do the same things. You aren't going to turn out like him, because you know enough to make your own choices."

A look of relief crossed Ryan's face. "It's just, they made me uncomfortable. It always does. Not just guys," he added quickly. "Not, like, you and Clark, because I can't read Clark and you ... you're always sick. I mean anyone. It makes me uncomfortable having to hear their secret thoughts. About, you know. Sex."

Oh, Christ, why hadn't Lex ever thought about that? Ryan couldn't block things out, and he'd lived in the same .... What? House? Trailer? _Something_ with those two pieces of trash. They'd probably not only had and thought about sex, but also about hurting each other. And Ryan.

Jesus Christ, it was a wonder this kid was a sweet as he was.

"It's okay," Ryan said softly. "You don't have to feel sorry for me."

"I don't feel sorry for you," Lex said, trying to be honest. "I feel angry on your behalf. Upset. Every kid deserves to have his innocence, not only about sex, but about other stuff. And yours was taken away." Lex reached out and put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. His thumb brushed against Ryan's neck.

He gasped, head snapping up.

"What?" Lex frowned, concerned.

"Nothing. I just ... nothing." He moved a little closer to Lex on the couch. "Can you, uh, can we practice now? The shields thing?"

Lex studied him a moment, wondering if he'd accidentally thought something exciting or upsetting. But Ryan met his gaze steadily, not revealing anything as he moved even closer, until their knees were touching.

"Okay," he said finally, conceding the battle over apparently nothing. "Close your eyes and concentrate. Breathe slowly. The whole goal is to relax your entire body and to let the shields build up over your mind like a castle," he said, settling in. He'd failed to help this kid once already, but this time, Lex had a better idea about how it all worked. This time, things would be better.

* * *

When Lana finally got home from the Talon at midnight, she felt bone weary. The evening had started out uneventful, until Lex had passed out. Even after that, it'd been tame, just ... lonely, she supposed. It was sonnet night, so everyone was there on dates, and everyone seemed to have someone with no one left over for her. Not that she _wanted_ anyone, but it was still so nice to be loved. To be in a relationship. She missed that comfort and security of having someone to hold her and be with her, someone to have something to do with.

But, she didn't, and there was no reason to dwell on it. It was her choice to be single, sort of, and she would just appreciate the friends and time to herself that she had. And if she was happy to finally be off work, it was only because her feet were throbbing and she was tired.

Her phone started ringing when she got into her room. She sighed softly and climbed onto her bed. As much as she was tempted to ignore it and just sleep, she had to answer it or else she'd be wondering all night who it had been.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," Chloe said on the line.

As usual, Lana's heart picked up, despite her resolve not to get excited about Chloe anymore. They were broken up and going to stay that way. Friends didn't get excited when friends they'd seen eight hours before called. But, feeling suddenly more awake, Lana sat up and pulled her legs underneath her. "Hey. Where were you tonight?"

"Metropolis. It's my aunt's birthday, and she's having a party."

Now that Chloe told her, she could hear the muffled sounds in the background that sounded like a party. "How's it going?"

Chloe sighed. "Boring. Boring, boring, and more boring. I never thought I'd live to see the day when Smallville is more exciting, but it has to be. This party is physically painful, Lana. Please, entertain me by telling me the goings on of home."

"Well, not much. We had sonnet night again, so there were people running around trying out the cheesy pick-up lines on everyone. And then the drum line decided to do an impromptu number for everyone. And, oh yeah, Lex passed out."

"What? Is he okay?"

"He's fine. He got a migraine and it overwhelmed him. One second he was talking to Mr. Townsend, and the next he was on the floor."

Chloe sighed. "Oh, man, I hope he's okay. I mean, I know he gets headaches sometimes, but as far as I know, he's never blacked out before."

Lana nodded. "I'm sure he'll be fine. At least, I hope he will be." She sighed. "It was scary."

"I can imagine. I think I'll try to call him tomorrow, even though he's a jerk when he's sick. One time I called to see if he was okay, and he called me "Stupid Flippy Hair."

"Well," she said, fighting her smile, "You _do_ have flippy hair."

"Hey!"

"Besides," Lana continued, "welcome to my world. He's always mean to me. Well, almost always."

"He's threatened by you," Chloe said reasonably. "He thinks you're going to steal Clark, and he can't get it through his head that Clark loves him more than life itself. I think he's really insecure about himself and his relationship with Clark. I've always gotten the feeling that loving someone else without being afraid they were going to either betray him or leave him is new, so he can't get the idea out of his head that someone might take Clark away from him."

She bit her lip and reached for an old stuffed rabbit she sometimes slept with when she was lonely or upset. "I can understand the feeling," she said softly.

"I'm not surprised." Chloe's voice was subdued. "I understand, too. I'm not exactly the poster-child for healthy relationships. I think I ... I think I was a little too clingy when it came to you. I was always convinced that you'd go back to Whitney, or some other guy would come along and take you away. I think I'm jealous of all the things and people you seem to be able to care about that aren't me."

"You never had anything to worry about. And if you'd just told me, I would have tried to make sure you knew that."

"I do know that. Well, now."

Lana squeezed her rabbit. "But I still talked about myself too much, right? I was too self-centered?" She deliberately worded it in past tense, unwilling to hear that, in the few weeks since they'd fought, she hadn't changed at all.

There was an awkward pause.

"You can tell the truth, Chloe."

She sighed. "A little. But not because you aren't interested in other people. I just don't think you know how to sympathize without accidentally turning the sympathy onto yourself." There was another hesitation, before she said, "But I can tell you're working on it."

Lana snorted. "Thanks."

Chloe cleared her throat. "So, uh, Lex was talking to Mr. Townsend, huh?" she asked hurriedly.

"Yeah. Mr. Townsend came over while I was talking to Lex, and then he stayed. They were talking for quite awhile."

"About what?"

Lana shrugged. "I don't know. It seemed pretty serious, though, but no blood was spilt, if that's what you're asking."

"No. Not exactly. It's just that .... Well, I don't think I've ever seen Lex socialize with anyone, but I can't think of any business the two of them would have."

"Maybe they were just talking."

"I guess. It's a good thing, I think. I hope. If they were just talking to talk. Lex doesn't have many friends, at least not here. I think this will be good for him, especially since Mr. Townsend is close to his age."

"How old is Mr. Townsend?" Lana asked.

"Twenty-seven, which is probably about fifty years younger than Lex's mental age when he isn't acting like a total queen, so, I guess." She made a small, thoughtful noise. "I hope that Lex doesn't let his embarrassment get in the way of whatever he and Mr. Townsend were talking about. Maybe they could be friends."

"Embarrassment?"

"About getting the headache. Most of Lex's snippiness when he's sick comes from pride. At least, that's my theory."

"Sounds good," Lana said around a yawn loudly.

"You're tired. I should let you go."

"No, it's okay." Heart pounding, Lana said, "Besides, I still have something I need to tell you. And I think it'd be easier to do it here. Now, when I can't see you."

"What's going on?" Chloe asked nervously.

Lana closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Dean just got a new job in Metropolis, and we're all moving."

"What?"

"I'm moving to Metropolis."

There was a long silence. Lana shifted uncomfortably and held her stuffed rabbit harder. After a minute had passed, Lana counted to twenty. Then, when Chloe still didn't say anything, she whispered, "Chloe?"

Chloe cleared her throat. "Sorry. Sorry, Lana, I'm just .... I'm just waiting for the world to stop spinning."

"I didn't think that ..."

"Sydney and I broke up," Chloe interrupted.

"What?" Lana breathed.

"She came to the party. Everything was wrong. Everything. At this point, I'll just be happy if we can salvage our friendship, but it's just ... I'm so near you, and so far from her. She has no idea if I'm telling the truth, and I .... Well, she's met someone. Maybe. She doesn't know, and I don't know, so we're pretty much over."

"Pretty much or ... or over?"

"Over. But I just ... I don't know if I want to do a long distance relationship thing again."

Lana licked her lips and took a deep breath. Her heart felt like it was breaking. Again. But she closed her eyes and said, "And I ... I don't know if I want to do a relationship thing. At all."

"Oh," Chloe said very softly. "Oh, I see."

"It has nothing to do with you, Chloe. I mean, I still love you. I just, I'm in a weird place right now, and I need to figure things out alone. I mean ..."

"I understand, Lana. It's cool. I should probably do the same thing. I got involved with Sydney really quickly after us. Maybe I need some downtime."

"Yeah, maybe. So, I guess that's it."

"I guess so." There was silence, and then Chloe said very softly, "I'm going to miss you, Lana."

"Yeah," she sighed, closing her eyes. A tear escaped and flowed down her cheek. "Me too."

* * *

When Clark arrived back at the mansion, Lex was stretched out in bed wearing a pair of boxers, one of Clark's shirt, and his collar around his wrist. The room smelled sharply of lavender, courtesy of the oil lamp that burned on the dresser, and soft music filled the air.

"Hey," Clark said softly, closing the door behind him.

Lex lifted his head from his pillow and smiled wanly. "Hey. How'd things go at home?" There was a tray on the bed next to him with a mug of steaming liquid; Lex reached for it and took a sip.

"Not great. Dr. Garner and the sheriff were there looking for Ryan. They've given me until tomorrow morning to bring Ryan back." He went to the bed and laid down, resting his head on Lex's stomach. His fingers played idly with the collar around Lex's wrist, and although he knew that it meant Lex was upset or not feeling well, Clark couldn't help but ask, "Lex, what's going to happen to Ryan?" in a frightened whisper.

"I don't know," Lex said softly, playing with Clark's hair. He twisted curls around his fingers and combed them out gently, fingers caressing his scalp in a soothing way. "Damien's gotten the DA in Metropolis to agree to stand ready to file a suit against Summerholt. But that's not going to help Ryan, at least not right away. Garner is Ryan's legal guardian, which means that even if Summerholt got closed down for an indefinite period, Ryan would go home with Garner."

"Isn't there anything we can do?"

Lex sighed. "Once we get all the information we need to show that Garner is an unfit guardian, I'm going to ask for a restraining order. Damien's people are still in there gathering evidence, which means we won't get it until late, which means Judge Ross is going to get a very early visit from me."

Clark laughed stiltedly. "Which will simply endear you in the Rosses' eyes, of course."

"Of course. But, then, it's not their family I'm trying to marry into, is it?"

He laughed again, lifting Lex's hand and kissing the inside of his wrist. Then he nudged the collar with his nose and licked around it gently. "What happened here?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Clark lifted his head and looked at Lex.

"Really."

He narrowed his eyes and leaned forward. Their lips met in a gentle kiss that deepened when Clark urged Lex's lips apart. His tongue slid into the opening mouth, wetly brushing against Lex's tongue, tasting and exploring the familiar feature.

"You're drinking," Clark whispered as he shifted until he was lying flush against Lex.

"Only a little," Lex replied. His eyes were closed and cheeks flushed. "Just some whiskey in my hot chocolate to take the edge off."

"What edge? What happened?" Clark placed a string of kisses along Lex's jaw.

Lex swallowed. "I was helping Ryan learn to block of his mind. It was tiring, for some reason. His mind is ... well, it's a little wild."

"You were inside it?" Clark raised his head to look down at Lex. "Why did you lower your shields?"

"I didn't. Not much. I really, well, softened them a bit. And I didn't mean to, it just happened. I was tired, like I said. Anyway, I kept feeling this very intense and slightly painful bursts of static go off in my head."

"Different from last time?"

He nodded. "Very. Last time he was here, it was a steady buzzing that varied in intensity depending on my proximity. This time it almost incapacitated me when he was in Metropolis. Then, here, it'd be steady and low, which was fine, and then, out of no where, his mind would explode."

"Does it hurt him?" Clark kissed Lex's forehead.

"It doesn't seem to. Not the way it did me. He got a headache, and I asked him to describe the pain. He said that it was intense, but when I asked if it was stabbing, or if it would suddenly flare up, he said no. Ryan described it as a constant pressure that tightens or eases depending on how many people are around him. When we were together, the pressure was light because there were only about six people in the house."

"I wonder what's different." Clark couldn't seem to stop kissing Lex. They were light kisses without any real erotic intent, but Clark felt almost glued. Lex's skin was so soft and silky, and tangible. Although Clark could still feel Lex inside him emotionally, the solidness of the telepathic bond was gone, making Lex seem ghostlike. Ethereal.

"I don't know." Lex arched into Clark slightly, bringing their bodies closer together. "I'd assume it has something to do with what Garner was doing with him. But, until I get a hold of the research, I won't be sure."

"Will you be able to understand it?"

Lex shrugged, and shifted his head to the side so Clark would have better access to his neck. "It's not my area of expertise, no, but I should be able to make some sense of it. And, if not, perhaps Dr. Sutton will."

Clark bit Lex next gently and lapped at the skin between his teeth with his tongue. Beneath him, Lex gasped slightly.

"Clark, don't," he said, voice strangled. He pushed at Clark's shoulders.

"Don't what?"

"Don't get too sexual. Please." The pushing became more insistent, so Clark lifted his head and looked down at Lex.

Lex looked upset, his eyes dark and mouth down turned.

"Hey, calm down," Clark soothed, smoothing his hand over Lex's head. "I'll stop. It's okay." He bent over and kissed Lex gently. "What's wrong?"

Lex's arms wrapped around his neck and held tightly. "Before you came, I had to go to both Damien and Mabel's room and ask them not to think about sex. Ryan can't .... He hears everything people think about. The kid's only thirteen and he can hear _everything_. He needs a safe place, and I want this to be as safe as possible."

Clark stomach knotted fiercely and he felt his center spin out of control. "You mean he hears inside people's mind when they have sex?"

"Have sex, think about sex, whatever. And not just sex. Violence, bad thoughts. The kid's stepfather once trashed a couple of gay kids' car and Ryan heard every single thought the bastard had." He frowned. "He was upset when we kissed."

"Didn't we kiss last time he was here?"

He shook his head. "Not when we were around him. Whether it was because we were being careful, or because we didn't want to upset him, I'm not sure, but this time, it bothered him. He says it didn't, but ...." Lex trailed off and raised his eyebrow.

Clark frowned and bit his lower lip. "Do you think he really has a problem with it, or if it's because of his stepfather?"

"All I know is, when you're young and you can hear other peoples' thoughts, you begin to have trouble differing between their opinions and your own. I could always tell when a thought was someone else's, but when you get a constant barrage of a single thought or opinion, it becomes your own."

"That's what happens anyway, though," Clark pointed out. "When you're a kid, you have the same opinions and beliefs as your parents because that's the only way you know how to think."

"Yes. But Ryan didn't like his stepfather, so he'd be more likely to rebel against whatever beliefs the man tried to impose on Ryan. If any. Ryan knows it's wrong to steal and to lie, even though he was used to steal and lie. Hating people who are gay, however, may be something he was doing unconsciously, simply because it was being piped directly into him." Lex traced Clark's face with his index fingers. "I don't think Ryan hates or fears gay people. But I think he might think he does because of his stepfather."

Clark closed his eyes. "I want him to have a good life, Lex. I don't want him to have to deal with this. I mean .... I mean, isn't there a way to take away his telepathy?"

Lex sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't. But, at the same time, that might not be the best way to go about things. His telepathy is a gift. It might not seem like one, but it is, just like all your gifts are. Just like my telepathy is."

"But yours doesn't hurt you. Yours doesn't give you headaches and nosebleeds and make you sick."

"Maybe it did before the meteor shower."

Clark snorted. "So all we need to do is expose Ryan to meteor rocks in a traumatizing way and hope it shuts the power down? I don't think so. As it is, we're lucky that you're not a freaky mutant. We don't need to take any risks."

Lex smiled and lifted his head to kiss Clark. "Maybe," he said when they broke apart, "it has more to do with how long you've had the power. The longer you have it, the more it controls you until, finally, you learn to control it. I'm not sure how long I was a telepath before the shower, but I'll try to see if I can get a rough estimate. Then I'll talk with Ryan about it."

"Do that. But maybe it has more to do with us finding each other. I told Ryan that we were like puzzle pieces, and when we found each other, we just fit. Maybe there was something to that."

"So all we need to do is find Ryan his soul mate," Lex mused, a smile tugging his lips. "That shouldn't be too hard. Obviously, if you judge by the divorce rate, people do it every day."

Clark rolled his eyes. "We did it."

"Yes, and look what it took. I had to die, and you had to become an alien."

Fighting the urge to bite Lex's nose, Clark pressed their lips together and kissed him deeply. In fact, he kissed Lex so deeply, he probably violated the, 'don't make me think about sex,' request, but he didn't care. All he cared about was making Lex breathless, dizzy, and off balance enough to shut up. "We found each other. That's all that matters."

"Yes," Lex gasped, fisting Clark's shirt.

"And until Ryan finds his puzzle piece, all we have to do is make sure he's happy and not in too much pain."

"Agreed." He arched up and kissed Clark again. "We might have to take him away, though. Isolate him for awhile, like on a sparsely populated island or a remote corner."

"We could fix up Kyle Tippet's shack into something nice. Find someone with good mental control to educate and watch him, and then we can go out and visit him."

Lex nodded. "That might work. At least for awhile. I'll ask Damien to look into the property and see who owns it. If Kyle is still the owner, and he won't sell, will you talk to him and try to convince him to let us take it?" Lex asked. "I think it would go faster if it were you rather than me."

Clark nodded. "I can do that."

"Good." Lex's fingers twined in the hair at the base of his neck. "Can you do me one more favor?"

"Of course."

Lex lifted his head and kissed Clark again. "Be gentle, but do what you were doing before. When you were just kissing me to feel. I felt a lot less alone when you were."

Clark felt a wave of relief wash over him; he hadn't realized how much he'd been straining to keep from doing just that. "Yeah," he whispered into the skin of Lex's neck. He kissed it gently, tasting Lex. "I feel less alone, too."

* * *

Lex jerked awake, his heart pounding. Even as he tried to remember the dream that had woken him, it scattered to the corners of his mind, leaving only the vague vestiges of unease and an image of him in a hospital. His chest ached and head was pounding. The static was out of control now, and Lex couldn't tell if his shields had dropped or something else had happened.

Kissing the sleeping Clark gently, Lex slid out of bed and fumbled around for a pair of pants. His pajama bottoms were in the bottom drawer of his dresser; he found them by touch and pulled them on. He also put on a pair of socks and his robe, and left the room.

Ryan wasn't in the room across the hall. Lex looked around for a few minutes, opening doors, hoping that Ryan hadn't gotten lost in the huge mansion looking for the bathroom or something. Victoria had her first night; she'd been looking for Lex's room and taken a wrong turn. Damien had found her in some obscure and dusty portion of the house, crying because she'd thought she'd heard a ghost. She'd also been drunk, which Ryan wasn't, but there was no telling what his mind was conjuring.

"I'm here," Ryan's voice called after a few minutes.

Lex frowned. "In the hall?"

"On the stairs."

He made his way to the main staircase and, sure enough, found Ryan sitting in the middle of it, his knees pulled to his chest, cheek resting on his knees.

Lex approached him slowly and sank onto the stair above him. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. You were having nightmares. I was a little scared."

"I'm sorry." He reached out and rubbed Ryan's back gently if awkwardly. "Want to talk about it?"

The thin shoulders shrugged. "You were in a hospital. People were prodding you with needles and taking pictures and talking quietly, and then your mom and dad left you alone. Then it got all dark and you couldn't breathe, and neither could I." He lifted his head; his eyes were shiny. "Were you really in the hospital?"

He nodded. "After the meteor shower, yes. I was in a coma for quite some time."

Ryan frowned. "So you ... didn't lose your hair because of cancer?" he asked slowly, obviously reading Lex's mind.

"No. A lot of people thought I did, but no, it was because of the meteors."

"But ... but you had hair in your dream. Don't you remember?"

A cold lump settled in the pit of Lex's stomach, but he pushed it away. "No, I don't. I must have had one of those dreams that don't make any sense at all." He smiled tentatively and was relieved to see Ryan smile back.

"Yeah, I guess so. One time I had a dream I was Warrior Angel's sidekick, but when we were flying, I turned into a rabbit, and he had to carry me. It was really weird." He laughed and seemed to relax.

"A rabbit. Interesting. I once had a dream where I ..." He broke off suddenly, hand flying to his head.

Ryan froze. "Are you okay? Did I do something?" His shoulder's hunched slightly as if he was expecting to be hid.

"No," Lex assured him, voice a bit awed. "No, you didn't do anything. I think .... I think I heard what you said. Thought, I mean."

He sat up straighter, an edge of excitement entering his face. "You did?"

Lex nodded slowly. "You were thinking that sometimes you wish your dreams were real. Not the rabbit ones, but the one's where your mother is still alive."

Ryan's eyes lit up. "You really heard that?"

He nodded. "I did. Let's try it again."

"Okay." Ryan's brow furrowed and his face took on a look of concentration.

Lex closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He didn't want to lower his shields very far, but the ^thinned^ them a little. The static sound increased and intensified. He frowned and pulled back physically, but kept listening attentively.

/Left me there,/ Ryan was thinking. /Didn't .... move .... In Dr. Garner's office .... Signed papers .... Left/

"You're thinking about your aunt. About how she left you and signed over guardianship." He opened his eyes.

"Yeah. Is it very clear?"

He shook his head. "You're all broken up."

Ryan crawled onto Lex's step and moved until he was practically sitting in his lap. "Let's try again." He sounded breathless and excited.

He nodded and closed his eyes, concentrating hard.

/... told Clark I was starting school, but I lied. I wanted to, but I was getting sick too often. My aunt was so scared and didn't know what to do. And I can never just shut up about my abilities. I tried, really. I tried to be good. But then I was so sick all the time, and my aunt couldn't deal with it anymore./

Ryan's eyes were gazing intently into Lex's, face serious. On the receiving end of the intenseness, Lex's heart clenched and breath caught. It was getting to be too much for him, but Lex pushed the panic aside and concentrated on what Ryan was telling him.

/Go on,/ Lex thought, ^softening^ his shields.

He nodded and took a deep breath. /I've been there about a month. It's been a nightmare. And it took me so long to get out. I'm so stupid, I couldn't figure out how to get away and I was so scared, and you probably think I'm so stupid because .../

"No." Lex reached out and took Ryan's hands without thinking about it. "Ryan, you aren't stupid. You were a kid in a tough situation, that's all. You did just fine."

His lower lip trembled. "I don't feel like I did just fine."

"Ryan," Lex started but he was cut off by a fierce pain that stabbed him in the temples. Gasping, he jerked away, head smacking the wood panel.

At the same time, Ryan whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut. He hunched over, rocking slightly as he rode out the pain, waves of it washing through Lex at the same time.

It took a few minutes, but Lex was able to solidify his mental shields. The pain muted immediately, but the static still flared in his head with jarring intensity. It was so different from the last time Ryan had been there, that Lex wanted to go back in time and bitch slap himself for acting like such a whiney baby, but there was nothing he could do. He had to find a way to live with the needle-like jabs of static that dug into his brain and concentrate on helping Ryan.

He moved closer to Ryan and pulled him up. The boy was sweating profusely, pale and shaky. "Ryan? What's going on?"

Ryan fell into Lex's arms, his chest heaving. "Hurts," he groaned, climbing into Lex's lap. He rested his head on Lex's shoulder, forehead pressed into his neck.

Lex stiffened, startled. Ryan continued to cling to him, obviously in pain, and he didn't know what to do. He wasn't good with people, especially kids. They needed too much love and attention and this one ....

Fuck.

"Calm down," he said as soothingly as he could manage, rubbing Ryan's back with firm, steady strokes. "Just breathe."

Ryan took a deep, shuddering breath and then released it. He did it a few more times before his breathing evened. The tightly coiled body relaxed.

"Better?" Lex asked.

"Yeah." Ryan climbed off Lex's lap. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

He looked down at his hands. "I get really intense headaches sometimes. Just ... they hurt. Badly. And it's not always connected to other people's thoughts or anything. It just happens."

"Oh." Lex rubbed his hand soothingly over Ryan's hair. "I'm sorry," he offered, because he didn't know what else to say. "I know how hard it can be."

"Do you?" Ryan rested his head on Lex's knees. His body still shook with fatigue, and suddenly, he seemed so small and vulnerable.

Lex sighed and repeated his gesture. "Yeah. When I was about seven or eight, I couldn't control my abilities. They would overwhelm me when I got in big crowds. And at school. I spent a lot of time throwing up because my mind translated the mental strain into physical."

"Did you get nosebleeds?"

"I think I did sometimes." Static exploded in his head and Lex winced. Massaging the thin neck laid bare on his knee, he said softly, "Ryan, there's something very wrong with you."

Ryan sniffed. "I know."

There was a beat of silence before Lex could bring himself to ask, "What is it?" But his voice was filled with dread, and he had a feeling he already knew.

"I have a brain tumor." He turned his head and rested his cheek on Lex's knee. "I heard Dr. Garner thinking about it. The last time .... He wondering how many more tests he could run before it ... it killed me."

"Oh, God, Ryan. I ..."

"Don't tell Clark."

"But, Ryan ..."

"Don't tell him. Maybe I'll get better now that I'm away from there. And, if not ... let me be happy again. Just for a little while." A tear fell to Lex's knee, dampening his pajamas and seeping through to his skin. "Please."

There was nothing Lex could say or do to make the situation any better. Clark and his parents were going to have their hearts broken. Lex was going to lose the only other person in the world who he knew had these powers besides him. And Ryan ...

Ryan deserved to be happy. At least for a little while.

So, Lex sighed and Lex swallowed, and Lex put his hand on Ryan's head. And then he swore, "I'll keep your secret. I promise."

* * *

Lana woke the next morning to the sounds of voices arguing downstairs. For a moment, she lay still, straining to hear what was going on. As far as she knew, Dean hadn't spent the night; Nell was supposed to meet him in Metropolis to apartment hunt later. Maybe something had changed and he'd come early. But why would they be fighting?

She slid out of bed and put on her slippers. Quietly, Lana opened her bedroom door and crept down the hall, carefully avoiding the creaky board three steps before the stairs started.

"This is absolutely ridiculous," someone was saying. "I forbid you to leave Smallville."

Lana frowned and sat on the top stair as Nell laughed acidly in reply.

"You forbid me?" she repeated. "Tough."

"Tough?" the man repeated as if it were some foreign word he'd never heard before. "Tough? You are under contract, Penelope, in case I need to remind you."

Contract? Lana crept down the stairs quietly, staying low to the ground. She knew from experience she'd be able to see inside the living room from the fourth stair from the bottom; the trick was not being seen herself.

Someone was pacing in the room. Not Nell. Lana could see her sitting in her chair, looking composed. Well, almost composed. Her body was taut and mouth pressed into a thin line. A mug of coffee rested on her thigh, and her hand was clenched so tightly around it that her knuckles were white. But, Lana quickly realized, it didn't matter how tense she looked; Lionel wasn't going to be able to see her.

And it was Lionel in their living room, wearing all black and looking very dramatic as his coat billowed out behind him. His walking stick was clenched in his hands and he seemed only to throw it out just before he turned, as if wanting to make sure he actually hadn't been about to walk into a wall. His face, when he turned and walked in the direction in which Lana could see it, was terrifying.

"Well?" he finally said, as the silence dragged on. "What do you have in reply, Nell?"

"The terms of the contract specify that if I want to leave, I can with no penalty. I'm not asking anything of you, Lionel, I simply don't want to be bound to you anymore. Which you _said_ I could do at the very beginning."

Lionel stopped pacing. "It is, however, in your best interest to continue to comply with our arrangement."

"I don't think it is."

"Then you don't care about Lana's education anymore, I take it."

"Of course I care. I care so deeply that I've realized that I can't continue to have it stunted by staying in this small town. I've always felt that it'd be better for her to get into the real world, and now that I've found someone to support us, I'm taking it."

Lionel snorted. "Please. I all but have her accepted into this country's most prominent institutions, no matter what her grades are. She won't have my support or money if you leave. Why are you compromising her future like this?" He hit his stick on the floor.

Interesting. In eighth grade, Lana's English teacher had had them do a report on what they wanted to be when they grew up and what college they wanted to go to in order to achieve that dream. Lana had spent hours pouring over college catalogs, finally choosing Kansas State after she decided on being a teacher. Nell had laughed lightly at her, told her she was setting her goals too low, and forced her to change her choice to Yale with a major in business administration. Funny, now, since it was now an area Lana was interested in, but she'd been angry nonetheless. They didn't have the money to pay for Yale even if she'd gotten in. Why bother thinking about it?

But now this. Was it possible that Lionel could get Lana into a college like Yale or something like it, just because of who he was? But, then why had Nell said that she was selling the Talon to get enough money to send Lana to any college she wanted? Unless ... unless she'd been lying. Or trying to cover up the fact that Lana would have money that they shouldn't have had.

This was all very confusing.

"I'm not compromising her future," Nell said, her voice still that deliberate calm while her body tensed up more. "I'm simply refusing to put her before my needs anymore."

"Oh?"

Nell smiled up at him. "Yes. I have a job opportunity in Metropolis. Not a big one, nothing in competition with you, but a good one. It's in real estate. And, at the same time, my fiancee has a job offer too. And a large bank account with which he wants to pay for Lana's education."

Lionel snorted. "And both just happened to occur at the same time? Why do I have a hard time believing that?"

"I was getting married anyway."

"Why?" Lionel snapped. "After all these years, I thought that I could at least count on _you_ for loyalty."

Nell practically leapt off the couch. "Why should I be loyal? Jesus Christ, Lionel, I have given you my entire fucking life for what? To be humiliated and abused for trying to help you through a difficult time?"

He shook his head and resumed his pacing. "I don't want your pity. And I'd hardly call our argument abuse."

"Fuck you, Lionel. You threw a clock at me! It hit me on the back. You're lucky you pay for my medical insurance, you bastard, or I'd slap you with a lawsuit." She crossed her arms tightly over her chest. "And it wasn't pity. I've been your lover since I was eighteen years old, and you were hurt. I just wanted to be with you. You are the one who's decided that you can't bear human contact."

"So, this is revenge, is it?" he said with something that was either a laugh or a snarl. "I change the parameters of our relationship ..."

"No, no and _no_!" she interrupted. "This has nothing to do with _you_. This has to do with _me_ and _my_ dissatisfaction at the way my life has turned out. I ... I expected you to let me leave here years ago. Lillian's been dead for years. I'm getting older. I'm not a threat like I could have been had you brought me to the city before I was saddled with Lana. And even after .... All I wanted was an apartment, a challenging job, and a nanny to take care of the kid that I never wanted. She was not my fault, and yet I feel like you've been punishing me for her."

"Spare me the tirade of an unhappy single mother," he said scornfully. "You knew what you were getting into when we made our arrangement. You're the one who decided not to give her into foster care, or send her to a boarding school when she was old enough. You chose instead to stay here and raise Lana, supported by my money. It was _your_ choice."

"Because I thought you'd marry me! Or, at the very least, get me out of this hell hole."

Lionel approached her and took her by the face, squeezing it.

Lana leapt to her feet, ready to rush in and do something, when he said very softly in a voice that froze her, "That was your misunderstanding, Nell, not mine. I was very clear on the terms. If you wanted more, that was all on you."

"Lionel ..." she gasped, but Lionel stepped into her further and squeezed harder.

"You are the selfish woman who didn't want to worry about the child that was given in your care. You are the whore that laid in my bed, slept with the people I ordered you to, and accepted money for your niece. This is not on me, Nell, and if you are suddenly unhappy with your situation, then you have no one to blame but yourself."

Nell grasped his arm, trying to tug it off her. "You promised me ..."

"I promised what you received." His hand slid down to her neck and he squeezed. "And now you want to break your end of the promise."

"You always said I could. I'm not asking anything from you anymore. I just want to marry Dean and move away. That's all. Just like ..." She swallowed hard, a tear sliding from the corner of her eye. "Just like you've chosen Martha Kent over me. I've chosen him over you."

He laughed. It was a low, dangerous laugh, more like a purr, that roiled through Lana, turning her inside out.

"I'm getting the better deal, and you know it. Martha Kent is a treasure, and it while it will be a great joy to seduce her and destroy her family, I can only hope that she emerges unscathed enough to remain at my side either as my assistant ... or my bride. Dean, however, is a nobody from nowhere. You don't even like him, Nell. At least his new job, I understand, will have him traveling for most of the week and unable to be with you."

"I like him," Nell said, still tugging on his arm. His hand seemed to be tightening on her throat. "It's not love, but it's better than this."

Lana jumped up and ran down the stairs.

"You've never complained before," Lionel said.

"I ..."

"Excuse me," Lana said. Her voice quavered only slightly. "But you need to leave."

"Lana ..."

But Lionel released her and turned. "Excuse me?"

She swallowed hard, fists clenching at her sides. "Leave, now. Or I'll call the police."

His lips curled into an unpleasant smile. "The police? Oh, well, then I guess I should leave. I wouldn't want to have to face the _police_." He turned. "I hate to end our relationship on a sour note, Nell, but it looks like I must. Pity, too. Jonathan Kent was more fun than you, but you were more enduring. But I suppose even you could only last too long before you became useless." He reached out again.

Nell flinched, but all he did was find her face and lean in for a kiss. When he pulled back again, he said, "I'm cutting off the accounts immediately. Good-day." He turned sharply, almost hitting Lana with his walking stick. "And good-day to you, Miss Lang. I hope your new stepfather is generous, otherwise I fear for your future." He swept from the room.

Lana watched him go, her heart pounding. The screen door slammed behind him and a moment later, a car sounded outside. She waited until the limo had pulled into the road before turning back.

For a moment, she didn't say anything. She and Nell regarded each other. Nell's pupils were dilated, tears streaming out the corner of her eyes. There were pink marks around her neck where Lionel's hand had been.

Finally, Lana swallowed and said softly, "Are you okay?"

Nell sniffed and wipe under her nose with her hand. "I'll be fine." She hesitated, and then said, "Lana ...."

"Is this why you've been stealing money from the Talon? To help cover the cost of losing Lionel's funding for me?"

Her cheeks colored. "Uh, no, actually. I was just practicing. For, uh, whatever the future may hold." She shifted her weight. "I have the money upstairs. I'll return it on Monday."

Lana shook her head. "You're .... You know what? I don't even know what to say."

"Lana, I was young and ..."

"I don't care," she interrupted. "Not right now. And I need to go work. So, uh, if you're sure you're okay, I'll talk to you tonight."

"Lana ..." But she stopped talking and sighed. "Very well. I'll talk to you tonight."

She tried to smile, but couldn't conjure it. Instead, she turned and went upstairs to get ready for the day. She had a lot to think about.

* * *

"Lex, _please_ sit down. Please. You said you're not feeling well, and watching you pace for fifteen minutes is now making me feel ill. So just sit," Dr. Sutton all but begged him.

He stiffened and pivoted on his heel. Glaring at her, he said, "I'm _fine_ , Doctor. And I have not been pacing for fifteen minutes. You've only been here for twenty, and most of that time you were _taking blood_."

Dr. Sutton tilted her head and looked at him through narrow eyes. "Yes, because we've agreed to track the changes of that chemical in your blood each time we meet for anything medical related. You were on board with this when we began."

"I know, but I didn't call you for that. I called you to ask you to perform a simple test."

"I wouldn't call it a simple test, Lex. An MRI is a bit more complex than listening to your heart beat. Until you adequately explain why it is you want one, I'm afraid I'll have to deny it."

"Why?"

"Lex, there has been nothing abnormal about your headaches in ... well, ever. Yes, you get them frequently, but we've tracked them and determined that the vast majority of your complaints are due to stress. Even if there has been a change since I saw you last, which was, what? Three weeks ago? It's too early to jump to any conclusions."

Lex sighed and stopped in front of her. Enunciating very precisely, he said, "Dr. Sutton, I don't think you are hearing me. I would like an MRI, and I would like one as soon as possible."

Her mouth opened and eyebrow went up in an expression of utter disbelief. "Lex, I can hear you just fine," she said after a moment. "but I am not in the habit of indulging my patients who are clearly exhibiting signs of hypochondria. I will not approve any medical procedure or test unless I see a reason for it."

"I've given you my reason."

"'I want one,' is not a good enough reason." She rose and looked at him closely. "What's going on? You do look tired. Have there been any changes in your headaches?"

Lex hesitated a moment and stopped his pacing. "Yes," he said slowly.

"How are they different?"

He shrugged. "They just ... are."

"You'll need to do better than that, Lex. How are they different?" When Lex didn't say anything, she sighed and asked, "Do you have one now?"

"Yes."

"Describe it."

Lex shrugged and sat down. "Look, this is not about my headache. This is about me wanting something done. It's just a test, that's all. I know you think I'm being a hypochondriac, but so what? I'm paying you enough to indulge me."

"No, that is not how it works," she said firmly. "You tell me how you are feeling, your symptoms, your aches and pains, and then _I_ decide how to go about treating you. I do not ..."

"You ..."

"I do not," she continued as if she hadn't heard him, "allow myself to be ordered around by my patients."

Lex glared at her for a long moment. She returned the gaze calmly, obviously unperturbed by his vehemence until, finally, he rose. After pacing a few seconds, he went to his desk and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest. "I want to see what's going on in my brain."

She took it in with a calm air, nodding. "I see. And what brought this on?"

He hitched his shoulder. "I'm curious. For scientific purposes."

She inclined her head and looked at him narrowly.

He sighed. "Really, that's all. I just want to compare some scans from now to ..."

The door opened, interrupting him, and Damien rolled in. "Aimee?" he said, sounding confused. "What are you doing here?"

Lex sighed softly and closed his eyes. Great, just what he needed: a voice of reason. The entire purpose of calling Dr. Sutton on his own instead of asking Damien to call her was that Lex _knew_ he was being irrational. Last spring when Ryan had arrived, Lex had suffered the same types of headaches and had an MRI. It'd come up negative. There was no reason to suspect it would come up any differently this time. That is, no rational reason.

Dr. Sutton rose and went to Damien. As she leaned down to kiss his cheek, she said, "Lex called me. He's decided he needs an MRI."

"I see." Damien met his eyes, one eyebrow arched. "And has he given you a reason?"

Lex bristled at him.

"Not a valid one, no. He says he simply wants to see what's going on in his mind. He also said that I am supposed to do whatever he asks."

"Did he?"

He bit his tongue, refusing to rise to their bait. They knew they were talking about him as if he weren't there, and if they thought he was going to say anything, then they were going to be disappointed.

"Yes."

Damien looked at Lex carefully a moment, and then asked, "Could you excuse us a moment please, Aimee?"

"Of course. I'll be downstairs with Mabel." She left quietly, closing the door behind her.

There was a long stretch of silence in which Damien sat looking at Lex calmly and Lex did his best to avoid Damien's eyes. He hated feeling this way, unable to think completely coherently because of the static, worn out because he was constantly fighting pain, and out of control because he was convinced he was dying.

"You called your doctor," Damien finally said, breaking the silence. "I didn't know you knew how to do that."

Lex snorted. "I do know how to use a phone, Damien."

"Yes, but until today, you never seemed to understand that you could use said power to contact someone in the medical profession. At least not for yourself."

He snorted again and rubbed his eyes. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to hide. He wanted to be able to block everything out and just _work_ , forgetting everything, but he couldn't. Every time he tried, all he could focus on was the feeling of his brain being slowly liquefied by tumors and leaking out of his ears.

The silence stretched on for a long moment. Lex heard the quiet motor on Damien's wheelchair kick in, and the scrape of the wheels on the hardwood floor.

"What's wrong?" he asked coaxingly.

Despite himself, some of the muscles in Lex's back relaxed. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Nothing. I just have a headache. That's all."

"Then why didn't you come to me?"

"Because you wouldn't help me anyway."

"Sir, I understand that these headaches are more difficult for you to deal with because of the boy. I was accommodating last time, and while I may have suggested alternative methods for dealing with the pain rather than resorting to medication, I still would have liked to know."

"I don't need something for the pain, Damien." Lex dropped his hand and looked up. "Yes, my head hurts and the static is bothering me, but that's not my concern right now. I just ... I want an MRI, that's all. Is that too much to ask?"

Damien looked baffled. "How will having a scan of your brain that you've never comfortably submitted to in your life make you feel better?"

His ears warmed and Lex found he couldn't meet Damien's steady gaze. He cleared his throat and swallowed a few times. "Um ... Well, you see, I, ah, found out last night that, well, Ryan has a tumor."

There was a brief pause before Damien said, "What?"

Lex shrugged. "He's been getting sick for a while now. I guess that his aunt was taking him around to different doctors, trying to find out what was wrong and, eventually, it got back to Dr. Garner. I did some research this morning, and some doctors think that there are places tumors can grow on the brain that will trigger telepathic-like responses. So I'm thinking that Ryan's telepathy isn't some amazing gift that he'll grow into. I think it might be related to his tumor."

"I see," Damien said, voice grave. "And, because of this information, you believe that perhaps your gift is related to a tumor as well?"

"It follows logically. I've been researching. In over half the reported cases where people believe themselves to be telepathic, the ones who were the most accurate were the ones to die of brain tumors. It was in something like ninety percent of the cases."

"I see. However, you've had an MRI very recently. After your telepathy began. Surely we would have seen something if there were anything wrong."

"Yes, but ..." Lex broke off and bit his lip.

Damien wheeled closer. "But what?"

He licked his lips. "Ever since Ryan told me about his tumor, I started having flashes of me in the hospital. From before the meteor shower; I still had hair. I'm remembering doctor's visits, and needles, and having people whisper about me. I ..." He shook his head. "I don't know. I'm just wondering if maybe Dad took me more seriously than I thought."

Damien frowned. "What are you talking about? I thought your telepathy first emerged when you met Clark."

Lex shook his head slowly, feeling almost ashamed. "It re-emerged when I met Clark. But I could hear people before. When I was a kid."

"Do you know when it started?" Damien's voice was tight and unhappy.

"No. Before I was eight, but maybe not much. I .... When the power came back, I thought it'd been something I'd had all my childhood before the meteor shower, but I think it was only a year or so."

Damien sighed and rubbed his eyes. "This is very far out of my league, sir."

He nodded slowly. "I know. I know." Lex bit back a sigh. "Thing have changed, Damien. I've changed. I'm no longer the person whom you started working for, and if you find that ...."

"Sir?" Damien interrupted.

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

A weight disappeared off Lex's shoulders and he smiled. "Right. Sorry."

Damien's eyebrow quirked. "Of course. Now, to the matter at hand. Was your telepathy always like it is now?"

He shook his head. "Not exactly, no. I mean, I was never able to use it like I do now, but when I was a kid, I had the ability to hear other people. It came and went in varying intensities, but when I was in the room with a lot of people, I generally couldn't tune it out. The ability disappeared after the meteor shower and didn't start again until Clark."

"And now you can only hear him."

"Yes."

His frown deepened and Damien leaned back in his wheelchair, and steepled his fingers. "Hmm," he said after a moment's thought. "I'll contact Dr. Pierce and see if I can look over your medical history. However, I see no reason to rush into any scans right now."

"But ...."

"Sir, you're tired and you're in pain."

Lex sighed. "I'm fine. Really." When Damien raised a skeptical eyebrow, his ears warmed and he said, "Look, mostly I'm troubled by static, just like last time. Yes, there is pain, but ..." He trailed off and shrugged.

Damien inclined his head. "You said you were fine last night before they came. Did your proximity to the boy upset you?"

"Not at first. I got a little skewed after I tried to teach him to use his shields, but it was nothing unbearable." He hesitated. "The tumor's made his mind off balance or something. When I tried to teach him to block his mind, it started to bother me."

"How do you feel right now?"

He thought a moment, taking stock of his body. "Tired, mostly. My head does ache, but it's manageable. I'm more ... sore, I suppose. Drained."

"Have you tried relaxing? You were fine last night after you did so."

He nodded. "I couldn't. I tried, but ... no."

Damien raised his eyebrow. "Any idea why?"

Lex swallowed hard. "I can't stop thinking about ... him. Me. Dying."

"Sir, you are not dying," Damien said.

"I know that," he snapped. "I'm worried about Ryan."

"I see." But Lex could tell that Damien didn't believe him. Still, his next words were, "We could have Dr. Sutton look at him and see how he is. There is a possibility that the boy is mistaken ..."

"He's telling the truth," Lex interrupted sharply.

"Are you sure?"

Lex nodded and rubbed his eyes.

"How does he know? He's just a child, how ..." Damien stopped talking when Lex fixed him with a mild glare. "If _he_ knows that he has a tumor, then why wouldn't you have known?"

Lex shrugged. "I was a lot younger than Ryan. I may not have understood. Or, if I did, I could have repressed it. I didn't even remember being in the hospital when I was that young until now."

He sighed and nodded. "You were probably young enough that whatever hospital visits you had would run together in your mind." Damien hesitated a moment before saying, "Sir, I think that you're upset before you need to be."

"I'm not upset. I don't feel well."

"You are upset and depressed that someone you care about is ill and it is manifesting itself physically which everything does with you." Damien hesitated, and then rolled closer until their legs were touching. "Over this past year, I've watched you grow tremendously. No, I haven't always been happy with what you've been going through, but I know the end result will be a man who I not only can admire and support, but one whom I like. You've become empathetic, Lex. You not only care about other people, but you are beginning to put yourself in their place as well. You're thoughtful and mature in ways that you weren't before simply because you were so closed off and protected. But there is a downside to caring about others, and you're experiencing it. You care about this child, and now there is a chance that he may die. You will grieve. You will feel ill. You will become irritable and probably lash out at people. So will Clark. Just don't forget that you do have people to help you through this."

Lex pulled away and rose. "I'm fine, Damien."

"Sir, it is all right to be worried about the boy. You are not weaker for caring about someone else."

He squeezed his eyes shut and turned away. "Then why do I feel like crap? He's not even related to me. He's nothing in my life."

"He's a young boy who reminds you of yourself. And whom your lover considers to be a brother. What affects Clark affects you, and I'm sure part of your anxiety now is from Clark."

"He doesn't know."

"Then you are anticipating his reaction." Lex heard Damien wheel his chair over and, a moment later, he put his hand on his arm. "Come. We'll talk to Dr. Sutton about Ryan, and ask her to examine the boy."

Lex opened his eyed and turned. "We'll need to call Mrs. Kent and talk to her about it. If anything, it'd be best to examine Ryan and figure out what they did to him at Summerholt."

Damien frowned but nodded. "Very well. Do you want to call her, or should I?"

"I will." He rubbed his eyes. "I'll do that now."

"Very well. And, while you are doing that, why don't I call your masseuse and have her fly out? You need to relax and center yourself again, and a massage might help."

He sighed. "Yeah, okay." Lex sighed again and rubbed his eyes. "Thank you, Damien. I honestly don't know what I'd do if you weren't here to slap me upside the head sometimes."

"I know exactly, sir, and trust me." He smirked. "It isn't a pleasant thought."

* * *

Ryan left his party early, and no one cared, Lana reflected. Well, that wasn't exactly true. Clark cared, of course, and she did. Even Chloe seemed a little bummed. But, for the most part, everyone who'd been there had been there for the thrill of hiding in the dark and shouting, "Surprise!" at Smallville's latest return. Even if most of them had no idea who he was.

The Talon was still open, of course, it being a Saturday night, but Lana was off. She really had no reason to be lingering, except for the fact she didn't want to go home. Nothing was there for her except Nell and a bunch of unanswered questions. Questions that Lana wasn't sure if she wanted the answer to.

Sighing heavily, she got a cup of tea for herself and found a quiet seat in the back. Her book of the moment was _Catcher in the Rye_ , which Mr. Townsend had on his list of books everyone should read and Lana, so far, hated. She pulled it out of her bag, but set it aside in favor of a letter from Whitney.

"Dear Lana," it read,

"Reading your letters almost make me sorry I joined the Marines and moved away. It seems like so much has been happening there lately. I can't believe Nell is getting married! She always seemed like a free spirit, one of those women who were strong and independent and didn't have any use for a man. And now she's marrying an insurance guy? Talk about the unexpected. Are you excited? I know how important family is to you, and how much you've always wanted to feel as if you were a part of a real one. I know this Dean couldn't be exactly what you expected, but I hope you're happy. You deserve to be.

"Things are really busy out here. It feels like I hardly have any time to think sometimes. It isn't what I expected, but I know this is a good thing I'm doing. I really think this experience is good for me, and when I come home, I'll have grown a lot.

"I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do when I get home. Not just home, but released from service, which I know won't happen for another year and a half, but I can't help looking ahead to. Part of me wants to move away from Kansas, maybe go to college in California. I've heard it's beautiful there, and the atmosphere is great. But, then again, there's a part of me that's afraid to leave. So much of what I love is in Smallville, and I'm afraid to leave it all behind. Which is stupid, since I know you all have moved on and left me behind, but, well, it's hard to cut those ties until I see them severed myself.

"Anyway, I need to wrap this up if I want to get it out today. I miss you and hope you're doing well. And I have to ask a favor of you, and I think it's only fair, since I asked the same of him: Please keep an eye out for Clark. I worry about him sometimes; I know how hard life can be for him. And take care of yourself, too. I can't have anything happening to my favorite girl.

"Love,

"Whitney."

Lana sighed and folded the letters. Lately, all Whitney's letters--when he had time to write--seemed distant and impersonal. She wasn't expecting elegance from him, but there was just something ... off. It had her worried, but there was nothing she could do while Whitney was overseas. The only thing she could do was continue to send him letters every few weeks and hope that he'd come home safely.

"You're in my seat," Lex said in a sulky sounding voice.

Lana looked up from the letter she was tucking away to find Lex standing over the table, pouting. Seriously. His lips were down turned, his eyes were unhappy, and he was hugging a folder to his chest.

Her eyebrow raised. "Huh." She half stood and looked underneath her. "Doesn't say Lex Luthor. You must be mistaken."

"I always sit here." He sighed torturously and sat in the seat across from her.

"Yes, because it's the best seat in the house for hiding from people. But I'm here now, so if it bothers you ..."

"No, no," he interrupted, setting his folder down. "Unless it bothers you."

Okay. When did she step through the looking glass? "Lex, I don't think we've had a civil conversation since just before you and Clark started going out. Why torture ourselves? I'm not in a good mood."

Lex seemed to freeze a little, and then opened his folder. "I've been promising Clark since we started going out to be nice to you. Chloe's been telling me since we've met that you're a nice girl and I should give you a chance. So, unless you insist that I leave, that is what I'm doing."

"What? Giving me a chance?"

"Yes."

She laughed, rolling her eyes. "That's big of you, Lex, especially considering I might be leaving in a few weeks and then you won't have to worry about me at all."

As expected, Lex's head came up on that. He looked at her a moment, a frown creasing the skin between his eyes. "Might be leaving? Has Nell changed her mind?"

Lana smirked. He was so predictable sometimes. "No. But maybe I have."

"And that means?"

"It means your father paid a visit to Nell this morning and revealed some interesting things. Things that I'm having a hard time dealing with."

Lex leaned forward. "What did they say?"

She shrugged and rubbed her temples in delicate circles. "They had some sort of arrangement. Your dad and Nell. Lionel was paying for my college education and, I have a feeling, my upkeep while I was growing up. And Nell ..." She felt her cheeks heat. Forcing herself to meet Lex's eyes, she said, "Well. You know what Nell was doing for your father."

"Yes," he said slowly. "Except it's not just that. According to what my source found out, Dad also used Nell to get a foothold in Smallville. He sent her to school to learn real estate, and then set her up with a small business here so she could get a cut on all the land he bought. So, sordid as their relationship is, there is more than just sex involved."

"I'm so pleased," Lana said wryly.

Lex smiled at her and shrugged. "Is it just that she had an arrangement with Dad that bothers you?"

She shook her head. "No. No, not exactly, although it does a little." Lana sighed and tucked her hair behind her ears. "I don't think Nell really loves Dean. I'm pretty sure she said something to that effect. And if she doesn't, and if she's just marrying Dean because he said he'd pay for my and college and stuff .... Well, then I don't think I should go with them. I don't want Dean to be used like that, and I don't want to be used either."

He nodded thoughtfully. "I understand that. Have you spoken to her, though? Dad tends to spread lies and twisted truths at every possible turn. Nell could love Dean, and not just be using him."

"Maybe." But Lana didn't think so. Nell had been acting so unlike herself since she'd met Dean, that it was easier to believe that she was faking than in love with a man so unlike her normal type. "I don't know. And, no, I haven't talked to her yet. I don't know what to say. I feel as if her entire life with me has been a lie. I don't ... I don't even know if she really loves me. You know?" Lana could feel herself tearing up, but tried to quash them. "Lionel said something about her never wanting me, and me messing up her life, and ...."

"And, once again, these are all things my _father_ said about your aunt, not the other way around," Lex interrupted calmly. "I doubt she resents you that much if she was willing to turn down not only several job offers and at least one marriage proposal to ensure that you had a good life and college education." He raised his eyebrow. "There may have been times in her life where she did feel resentful or angry or something, but I'm sure you've done the same. She's not your mother, and if you haven't thrown that fact in her face, I'm still sure a part of you resents her. Same with her. She may have told Dad if they were together and she was feeling particularly upset, and now he's using it against her." Lex leaned forward and looked at her intently, his blue eyes serious and deep. "Don't ever, _ever_ , take anything Dad says at face value, Lana. He always has an ulterior motive, and he constantly manipulates people to keep himself on top."

God, it was hot in the Talon. Lana was sorry she was drinking coffee, she was so overheated. She pulled back and put her hands to her flushed cheeks. "Um ... uh," she stuttered a moment, unable to meet Lex's eyes. "Um, what about you?"

"What about me?"

She licked her lips. "Are you your father's son?" This time she was able to meet his eyes, but she felt herself heating up again when she did.

Lex sat back and eyed her contemplatively. Then his gaze seemed to turn inward and he was silent a long moment. "Yes," he finally said slowly. "I am. But, unlike my father, I don't have the overwhelming need to control everyone in my life. It's vital in business, but in my personal life .... Dad thinks everything is business, and that everyone is a rival or a tool. I ... was like that, but now I'm learning that there is a difference. So, yes, there have been times where I have used people like Dad uses Nell, but I'm trying very hard not to be like him."

"I see," Lana said, although she was unsure if she had really understood a word Lex had said. She took a long drink of her coffee and a deep breath. "Even if Lionel was stretching the truth, and even if Nell doesn't resent me, and does love Dean ..." She broke off and sighed. "I guess everything is going to rest on whether or not she's being honest with Dean. If she really loves him. Because, if she does, then it's just a lucky and ... well, nice thing that Dean is doing for me, and even though I think I'd rather stay here, I'll have to go. But if it is a lie, and she doesn't love Dean, and she's just using him for the money for me .... Don't you think I should not go?" she asked, looking at Lex beseechingly.

"Lana, I can't make the decision for you."

"I know. I know you can't, but it just doesn't seem right. I'm not hurting for money; I don't need to go to an expensive college. I can apply for scholarships and financial aid, or use the money I'm saving from work." She licked her lips. "So much of my life has seemed to be a lie. My mother's big dream was not to stay and raise a family. All she wanted was to leave Smallville. My parents weren't happy in love. My father isn't who I thought he was. Nell isn't this independent, strong woman. Instead she's been living off some rich man for years. I'm tired of it. I want to live something honest and real and ... and clean."

Lex glanced around the Talon a moment, and then said, "If you want, I suppose there's room in the mansion ...."

Lana shook her head, interrupting him. "Thanks, Lex, but no. I just found out that my aunt has been under your father's thumb for over seventeen years, and while I know you're not your father, I just want to see if I can do something on my own."

"I can appreciate that," Lex said, nodding. "I want the same thing with my father."

A smile tugged at her lips. "It looks like we might have more in common than you ever thought. Me, too, to be honest."

He smiled. "Yes, I guess so."

She sighed and gathered her stuff. "I think I should go talk to Nell now, before I forget everything." She stuffed her book and Whitney's letter into her bag. "Thank you, Lex." Lana licked her lips and hesitated. "I, uh ... I hope we can start over. You know? We don't need to be friends, but ...." She trailed off uncertainly.

"Yes," Lex said after a moment. "I think starting over is a good idea."

Lana met his eyes a moment and felt herself flush again. Then, before she started embarrassing herself, she slung her backpack over her shoulder and left for home. However much longer it would be her home.

* * *

"You do realize the party ended, like, four hours ago," Clark said, sliding into the seat to the right of Lex in the Talon. "You're really late."

Lex blinked and looked up from his work. "Hey." He looked around him in confusion. He knew he'd arrived after the party, but it'd only been an hour or so; when had the other three passed? And when had the Talon gotten so crowded?

Clark smiled and picked up Lex's cup. "Lana dropped by my place on the way home to see how Ryan was. She said that she left you here. I called your place, but Damien said you were still out." He sipped Lex's drink and made a face. "What is this?"

"Chi tea," he answered. "Dr. Sutton wants me to cut down on my caffeine intake to help control my headaches." He rolled his eyes and scribbled on the pad of paper in front of him.

Clark took another sip of the tea. "It's not bad, once you get used to it."

"No, it's not. She recommended I try it with vanilla, which was the right way to go; I'm not even interested in drinking it any other way. " He frowned and took the cup back. "God. How many of these have I had?" He shrugged and took a drink. "How's Ryan?"

"Okay." Clark leaned forward. A moment later, Lex felt Clark touch his knees and tap a few times. "He's tired out from everything, and has another headache." He tapped Lex's knee again.

Frowning, Lex slid his hand underneath the table; immediately, Clark took it and squeezed.

"Mom said that Dr. Sutton is going to give Ryan a check-up tomorrow."

"Yes, she is. Hopefully Ryan will be feeling better than he did yesterday, so he'll allow it. He ..." Lex broke off, hesitating. He couldn't break his promise to Ryan, although a huge part of him felt that Clark had a right to know. He was going to take the news hard, and Lex felt that he should be given time to prepare. And yet ... Lex didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. And he didn't want to ruin Clark's happiness because it would be brief. He deserved to be happy and to feel like his family was complete.

So, pushing aside the unpleasantness of Ryan's condition, he said, "I think, for all our peace of minds, it would be good to make sure nothing damaging was done at Summerholt."

Clark nodded and ran his thumb over the Lex's palm. "I agree." He squeezed Lex's hand. "Uh, what are you working on?" He scooted his chair closer to Lex and peered on the notepad. "Mayor Tate sucks," he read. "Mayor Tate is dumber than a donkey's ass. Mayor Tate is the minion of the Devil, and Dad is the Devil'" He looked up at Lex, amused. "Lex?"

Lex shrugged. "The bastard wants a bribe and until he gets it, I don't get a permit to add onto the plant. I'm trying to come up with ways to circumvent him and take him down."

"'Negative ad campaign,'" he said, reading on. "'Find good candidate--one I can trust. Who? Judge Ross? Is she interested in politics? Michael Williams? Henry Small?' Lex, you're just naming people in town."

"I know." He clenched his fist around his teacup, a headache pressing behind his eyes. "The problem is, I haven't cultivated enough of the right kind of acquaintances in this town to know who would be interested in running for mayor, who would be a good mayor, and who I can trust. At this point, I think anyone would be better than Tate; I've been digging up dirt on him all afternoon, and it's enough to stir some moral outrage in this town. I wouldn't mind backing someone I didn't know that well, but, on the other hand, I'd like to get more involved anyway. This is my home now; I should know this stuff, not have to rely on gossip relayed to me by my cook."

"You will. Give it time."

Lex felt his jaw tighten. "I've had a year, Clark."

"Yes, but in that year, you spent a lot of that time struggling to define who you were and what you wanted. I know you thought you knew all that, but you didn't. All your dreams were either formed to be in direct opposition of your father, or part of his--or someone else's--dreams. Don't you think that if politics were really important to you six months ago, you would have gotten involved in them? Or if making other friends, you would have had some by now, if not in town, then in the city?"

"Maybe," Lex grumbled, shrugging. He picked up his pen and began writing at the top.

"Baby," Clark whispered as he leaned in closer as if he were merely reading what was written. "I know you want to go into politics, and to make a name for yourself that isn't your father's name. I just don't know how immediate that concern has been for you. You've said it several times, and you've never done anything."

"Point, Clark?" Lex asked tersely.

"My point is that you shouldn't beat yourself up over the fact that you haven't really been interested in this up until now. It wasn't a concern before, now it is. Now you can start doing something." He squeezed Lex's hand. "Why don't you run for mayor?"

He shook his head. "I'm not ready. Not while I'm trying to expand my company into something more than one plant, and definitely not while Dad's living with me." He sighed and dropped his pen so he could pinch the bridge of his nose. "I'll find someone."

Clark smiled. "That's the spirit." He glanced back down at the paper. "Uh, Lex? What exactly do these equations have to do with anything?" He pointed to the chemical equations Lex had scribbled everywhere on the papers, in the margins and between the lines.

Lex felt his ears warm. "It's nothing. I just .... Some of them are acids, a few are equations for a type of chemical that will burrow under the skin and fizzle, and some are just what I'm working on for Lex Corp. Dad got the rights to the compound I created last year, and I want to put something out soon, so I'm working on it again."

"That's great!" Clark grinned at him. "I know how much you love working in the lab."

"Well, we'll see how much time I'll have to do it. I've got competitors trying to buy me out all the time, and half of the offers come from Dad. I can't let him know what I'm working on because he'll steal it, and I can only work on it in the lab, but I have so much business crap to do, it feels like I never have any time." He sighed and pulled his hand away from Clark's so he could rub his eyes. "Sorry. Now I'm just bitching."

Clark shook his head. "It's okay. I'm sure you've had a hard day. Damien said that you weren't feeling well earlier."

Lex sighed. "No, I wasn't."

"How do you feel now?" Clark asked, thumb caressing the palm of his hand.

"Better. I rested, relaxed. You know. The headache faded after lunch and I was able to think again." He licked his lower lip. "I'm tired, though. You know, just low energy."

"Ever think that might be because you've been sitting here for hours working?"

A smile tugged at Lex's lips, and his ears warmed. Looking down at his work, he shrugged slightly and said, "Well. Maybe."

"More than maybe." Clark tugged his hand. "Look, you haven't seen Ryan since this morning. Why don't you come over for awhile and watch a movie with us?"

Lex looked at his work, frustrated by the fact nothing was resolved. "I don't know ..."

"You are not going to finish this tonight. And not here. This is one of those projects that will take a long time, and no matter how long you sit here drinking tea and writing down names, it's not going to be done tonight. So pack up, get in the car, and let's go home."

"Yes, master," Lex muttered as he obeyed Clark. He tried to sound sullen, but he'd discovered that sullen is very hard to do when you're fighting a smile.

Clark sighed suddenly, and the sound so contradicted Lex's own burgeoning mood, that he snapped his head up. But, instead of the sorrow the tone of the sigh implied, Lex found himself looking into a pair of _very_ lustful eyes that seared him and made his toes curl.

For a moment, all Lex could do was stare helplessly into Clark's eyes and fight back the wave of arousal that threatened to sweep through him. This was the Talon. This was the coffee shop in the middle of Smallville where they strung up pretty boys in cornfields for fun. This was the coffee shop in the middle of Kansas where homosexuality was both illegal and a sin. And the people in town probably weren't afraid to remind the sinners of that fact.

Besides, there were too many people watching, and Lex _couldn't_ climb underneath the table to suck Clark off because he'd decided he wasn't willing to share even the visual of his love in the throes of pleasure with anyone else. And the bathroom was, well, a bathroom, and although Lex had sunk to his knees plenty of times in a bathroom before, he was strangely germ-a-phobic these days, and couldn't think about it without gagging.

But, God, he had to do something because his body was alive and thrumming and pulsing with energy and lust and it was occurring to him that it could be a very long time before Clark was in this type of mood again.

He swallowed hard. "I think we should go," he whispered.

"Yeah." Clark's voice sounded rough with desire, but it was a lot more steady than Lex's, making him wonder who exactly the horny teenager in this relationship was.

Lex swallowed again and checked to make sure he'd be able to walk out of the Talon without drawing undue attention to himself. He'd only just make it, he finally decided; his pants were loose enough that they weren't tenting too obviously, and his coat could easily be drawn closed for added protection. He wasn't so hard he couldn't walk, and if he could just make it to the door without grabbing Clark, he should be safe.

They rose and, side by side, not looking at one another, walked quickly to the door. The Talon seemed unusually crowded, and Lex had to refrain from shoving people away and from simply shouting at them all to clear a path. And his hesitation was due more to the fact that he wasn't Fezzick and he didn't think that he had enough lung power right now to blow out a birthday candle right now, much less shout over the din of dating teenagers.

And Clark was too fucking calm. He strode just in front of Lex, his ass swaying hypnotically, pushing aside people as if he owned the fucking place. Which he didn't. Lex did. So why the hell was he feeling as if his head were about to explode instead of owning the room?

Finally they were at the door. Clark pushed it open and glanced back at Lex, a smirk on his lips that Lex wanted to slap off. Or kiss off. Whatever. He just wanted the smug, self-assurance _gone_ and replaced with passion.

"Give me your keys," Clark said as they walked quickly over the sidewalk to Lex's car.

"What?"

Clark held out his hand with the aura of a man who didn't want to repeat himself.

Oh. Keys. Right. Lex dug through his pocket and tossed them over to Clark, the only person in the world he'd give them to without much consideration. There were moments when he wondered when exactly he'd married Clark; so much of their relationship felt ... old and comfortable. Beyond that, it was safe, and if Clark said jump, Lex did it without wondering what would happen. He just did as he was told.

After what seemed like hours, they made it to the car. Clark wasted no time in tearing out of town once they were safely inside. The tires squealed, and Lex was thrown against his seat as Clark apparently attempted to put Lex's own driving to shame. But that was fine, because Lex didn't care where they were going, just that they'd get there already.

"Where are we going?" Lex asked, hand on Clark's thigh. He inched it upward towards the bulge underneath the loose jeans and caressed just inside the juncture of Clark's hip and thigh.

Clark swallowed hard and turned down the road away from town. "Don't know. Away."

Lex licked his lips and unbuttoned the top of Clark's jeans.

"Lex, don't," Clark said in a strangled voice. "I don't want to crash your car."

"Then pull over soon."

He swallowed again and nodded. His foot pressed harder on gas.

Lex continued to massage Clark's leg, allowing his fingers to brush against the rigid member beneath. His heart was pounding, blood pooling in his groin. With his free hand, he caressed his own cock through his slacks, more to appease it than for any real pleasure. Slowly and firmly, without going overboard, without any real intent on climaxing.

It helped a little, until finally, _finally_ , Clark pulled off the road by Crater Lake.

"You can't be serious," Lex said, looking at the other cars parked along the edge of the water. "I thought this place makes you sick."

"Calm down," Clark said through gritted teeth. "We're not stopping here. Besides, it's only when I'm closer to the water." Lex was pleased to see the smug composure was gone, replaced by fierce arousal that was etched on his face. They drove past the cars and into the woods; Clark followed a dirt road deeper into them, the night becoming dark as trees engulfed the car.

"Clark ..." Lex said softly, but Clark put his hand over Lex's and squeezed, causing him to moan loudly.

"We're almost there," he promised breathlessly.

"Fuck these trees," Lex swore. He dug in Clark's pants, finger caressing underneath the waistband of his boxers.

"Almost there," Clark gritted out.

And, then they were there, apparently. Clark was pulling off the road into a small clearing. Then he turned off the engine and turned to Lex as he unbuckled his seat belt.

Lex was out of his seat belt and on Clark in an instant. He knew he couldn't move as fast as Clark could, but damn if it didn't feel like it.

Clark groaned loudly as Lex straddled him, moving his hips into Clark's. He could feel Clark's cock hard and ready beneath his jeans. Their mouths met sloppily, tongues lapping at each other, teeth nibbling at their lips. With each breath he took, Lex was whimpering, groaning as he rode into Clark's cock with frantic, jerking motions.

"Over here," Lex gasped. His hands were on either side of Clark's face, finger knotted in his hair. He tugged Clark over towards the passenger seat.

Without breaking contact with Lex's skin, Clark shifted over. One arm wrapped around Lex's waist and he simply lifted Lex as if he weighed nothing as they made the move.

Lex settled in between Clark's legs, moving the seat back as far as it could go. With a final nip to Clark's lower lip, he pulled away and sank to his knees.

"Finally," Lex breathed. "The trip took forever." He unbuckled Clark's belt and undid his fly.

"The trip took four minutes," Clark laughed hoarsely, voice roughened by lust. He lifted his hips so Lex could slide his jeans and boxers from them, baring the magnificent cock hidden beneath. "You're just impatient."

Lex smirked as Clark put his hand on the back of his head, urging him down. " _I'm_ impatient?" he asked. He glanced up at Clark underneath his eyelashes, eyebrow raised.

Clark's only response was to push him a little harder. Lust was written across his face, and his eyes were a little unfocused.

Eyes still locked on Clark's, Lex slid one hand over the head of Clark's cock, pushing back the foreskin. A moan escaped Clark's throat; when Lex swirled his finger around the bared head, Clark's eyes fell shut and he laid his head on the headrest.

Lex continued to play with the sensitive head, probing and massaging teasingly. His other hand slid to the base, and he took the sack in the palm of his hand, rolling it gently.

Clark gasped, hips jerking. "Lex," he moaned raggedly.

He smiled at the response and finally gave into the pressure that was being exerted on the back of his head. He leaned down and licked a stripe up Clark's cock, eyes closing at the sensation of hard flesh beneath his tongue. He did it again, on the other side, and then twirled his tongue around the now-sticky head of Clark's cock. Citrus burst on his tongue, making his own cock leap. Hungry now, he opened his mouth wide and swallowed Clark down.

His lips stretched over the turgid flesh, fire racing down his own limbs. As he sucked and slurped, Lex could feel himself growing aroused. His cock swelled, fingers tingled, and ears burned. It hadn't been like this in a long time, he reflected as he worked at Clark's cock. A long time ago, when he'd first started sucking cock, he'd realized how much he'd enjoyed it. Enjoyed being on his knees in front of a man, enjoyed having a strong, hard member between his lips, balls resting against his chin. He'd even enjoyed having his mouth fucked, having a man hold him in place as he was used brutally, lips stretched and cracked, throat raw and sore, tongue tired from working over the flesh sliding in and out of him. He'd liked it so much that he used to be able to come just from blowing someone else.

But it hadn't been like that for a long time. Oh, he still enjoyed sucking cock, but he'd sublimated it into power games and, thus, couldn't enjoy being dominated. Even on his knees, Lex had to be in control. And, while he could give that control--willingly, even--to Clark, the absolute joy, the unexpected eroticism of focusing solely on his partner without regards to his own physical pleasure, had been missing.

Lex could feel it now, though. He wasn't sure exactly why he was getting off so much from sucking Clark like he was the world's best Popsicle, but he was so hard, the bones in his temples ached in sympathy. Clark's hand was splayed over his skull, holding him down. The cock in his mouth only came out about an inch, leaving the rest of it to choke him, barely enough to breathe. But Lex didn't care. Fire sizzled over his nerves and he was moaning as he gasped for air, swallowing around Clark. His hands were wrapped around Clark's base, and he could feel the blood pound through the veins as clearly as if the blood flowed through him. His cock throbbed in time with Clark's, heart racing, breath synchronized.

Clark's hips twisted on the seat, squeaking on the leather. His hand were white knuckled on the door handle, tugging as he writhed. Small, mewling gasps with half-coherent words tumbling out of his mouth. One leg wrapped around Lex's back, and Clark began to hump into Lex's welcoming mouth. Every thrust was accompanied by a burst of citrus and a half-articulate cry of ecstasy.

Lex's cheeks hollowed as he sucked as hard as he could. He could barley move, and his body was being jerked into Clark's body every time he thrust. He felt bruised and used and tired. His jaw ached and his hands were sticky with sweat, and his back hurt from Clark's strong tugs.

It was wonderful.

His orgasm took him by surprise as it hit him swiftly and hard. A volcano of pleasure erupted from deep inside him, liquefying his bones. His fists squeezed and his throat clamped around the cock in his throat, putting pressure on the sensitive head.

"Lex!" Clark screamed, hips lurching off the seat. Semen flooded into Lex's mouth in unsteady bursts, threatening to drown him. He managed to swallow some of it as he pulled away. The rest of the come splashed on his face; he closed his eyes, feeling drops cling to his eyelashes and not caring.

His own orgasm faded into a rosy glow. Limp, he melted into a puddle on the floor.

"Holy fuck, did you come?" Clark gritted through his teeth. He'd released Lex's head and was holding onto the seat beneath him, every muscle strained.

"Yeah," Lex said, a little dreamily. He rested his head against Clark's thigh.

Clark gasped suddenly, then grunted. There was a soft thud, followed by another one.

"Clark?"

"Yes?" Clark's voice was tight and when he breathed, it was in rough gasps.

"Don't fly through the roof, okay?"

"'k."

Lex ran his hands up Clark's thighs. "Just relax."

"Can't."

" _Relax_ ," he repeated, gently pushing Clark down until his legs were once again resting on the seat. "Breathe."

He heard Clark inhale deeply, but there was no exhale. Lex pinched Clark and ordered again, "Breathe. In and out."

Another ineffective pinch, and Clark exhaled shakily. Lex listened to him breath slowly in and out as he ran his hands up and down the taut muscles of Clark's thighs, massaging them, trying to help the rush past. He couldn't lift his head, as his own muscles felt as if they were made of jelly, but there wasn't much he could do in any case except be there. This would pass when it passed.

There was the sound of whooshing air above him, and Clark fell heavily back down. The car squeaked and rocked.

"Don't break my car."

"Don't break my car," Clark mimicked, hauling Lex into his lap. He sucked open-mouthed kisses across Lex's neck. "Tell me if I imagined this or not: you came without me touching you."

Lex sighed and turned his head into Clark. "I did."

"I am a god."

He snorted and bit Clark's ear.

"Admit it, baby, I am king of you." He slipped his hand underneath Lex's shirt and traced up his spine. "You have the greatest mouth."

Lex stiffened involuntarily.

"What?"

"I don't know." He exhaled hard and snuggled into Clark.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "I don't know what happened. I'm fine." He kissed Clark's neck.

Clark sighed and tightened his arms around Lex. "I've never fogged up a car before."

Lex opened his eyes; all the windows were covered in a thin film of fog. "Did you like it?"

"Hell, yes."

"Wanna fog it up some more?" he asked, pulling away.

Clark grinned lustfully, eyes glowing. "Hell yes."

* * *

There was soft music playing in the living room and the smell of hot chocolate floating in the air when Lana got home. She hesitated in the foyer, stomach churning out of control. God, she didn't want to do this. Why did any of this have to happen? Dean, Lionel, everything?

She sighed and rested her head on the wall. She wasn't brave, not really. And she was desperately afraid of what was going to happen. What if Nell got angry at her? What if she didn't listen? What if she kicked Lana out and refused to help her ever again?

Lana inhaled deeply, feeling as if she were drowning. Then, before she lost her nerve, she went into the living room.

Nell was curled on the couch. A mug of hot chocolate was next to her on a table, a magazine in her lap. There were faint bruises on the skin of her neck, and her eyes were slightly red.

"Hey, Nell," Lana said softly.

She looked up. Exhaustion was written on every feature, making her look older than normal. "Lana, hi." Her eyes strayed over to the clock on the mantel. "I thought you were off earlier."

"I was off at seven, but I stuck around and read for a little bit. And I went to Clark's." Hesitantly, she sank down into the chair across from Nell.

"Oh." She looked down in her lap and closed her magazine slowly. "So. I'm not exactly sure what to say."

"Is it true? What I heard this morning?"

One shoulder lifted slightly. "Some of it, yes. Not the part about me resenting you. I mean, yes, there were moments where I thought I'd made the wrong choice, but not because of you." Her eyes lifted momentarily before falling back to her lap. "I've never felt capable of raising a child. I never really wanted children of my own. When your parents died, I did think about putting you up for adoption, or trying to find someone else to take care of you, not just because it would be a change in my life, but because I didn't think I'd be able to raise you well at all. I'm amazed you've turned out as wonderful as you have, Lana. I just ..." Nell trailed off, looking helpless.

Lana swallowed. "I understand," she whispered. "I mean, I guess I've felt the same way sometimes. Resentful that you're not my mother. My real mother, I mean."

"I know, Lana. And I know how hard things have been for you, especially since you've gotten into high school. You've changed. Tried to make adjustments, and I know it hasn't been easy for you. So, when Dean came along, I realized it would be a good opportunity for both of us. I've wanted to get out of Smallville for a long time--all my life. And I know that at least a part of you feels the same."

"But you're not just moving us away. You're using someone else to do it." Lana swallowed hard. "Nell. Do you love Dean?"

Nell closed her eyes. "I like him. But, no, I don't love him." She looked at Lana. "If it's any consolation, I'm going to leave him in about a year. So I won't be using him for long."

"No, it's not any consolation. Besides, what's the point, then? If you're only marrying him for his money, why leave him?"

"He's already promised it to me. It's in our pre-nup. It's mine the moment we marry, no matter what happens."

Bile rose in Lana's throat, and for a moment, she really thought she was going to be sick. Her palms were sweating, but she felt cold and shaky. Who was this woman? God, it was sick, the way she could just sit there and talk about ruining a man's life for money.

"You're joking, right?" she finally got out. "You can't seriously think that what you're doing is right."

"It's right for me. I've been paying for years ..."

"You've been paying," she interrupted, "because you made a deal with Lionel Luthor. You're not the victim here."

Nell's head snapped up. "I'm not? That man has used me for ..."

"You _let_ him use you!" Lana shouted. "You agreed to whatever he said. Don't act like you didn't know what you were doing. Whatever your expectations were, they weren't _his_ fault."

"You don't understand, Lana. Nothing is ever simple with Lionel Luthor. With any of the Luthors. You think you know .... I was eighteen when I met him. Seventeen, actually. A friend invited me out to Metropolis for the weekend, I got to go to a cheerleading practice, and there he was." An almost dreamy smile crossed her face. "He played it so cool. I thought he hadn't noticed me, but after practice, there he was, and he swept me up into this fairy tale dream of wine and limousines. It was magical. All I wanted was more. And soon I got it. Of course, it did come with a condition, and that condition was Jonathan Kent." She shrugged. "Lionel had come down to see me cheer in a game, and Jonathan caught his eye. But, that's not important. Lionel got me into college, he got me cheering for the Sharks before the first semester was over, and then, well, the accident happened."

Lana nodded. She'd known for years about the accident that had ended Nell's career. She'd been cheering in a game and when she'd been tossed, the catch didn't go as planned. She'd broken her collarbone and leg and returned to Smallville, career ended.

Nell rubbed her chin. "Lionel paid for all my medical expenses. I'm sure if I'd insisted on staying in the city, he would have allowed it. I was already there, and this was before Lex was born. He was different before Lex was born, even though he was still married. But I needed family, so I came home. After Mom died, Laura and I moved in together. And, when she married Lewis, I stayed, miserable and angry and hating both of them. But I stayed. Finally, the boredom got to be too much for me. I started working at Fordman's. Since I hadn't finished college, I couldn't get a better job, and I was too ... well, so angry to go back."

"So what changed?" Lana asked, pulling her knees to her chest.

"I was miserable. I had a crappy job, I was living in the shadow of my little sister, and the only man I'd ever really loved had married a milk sop princess from Metropolis. So I turned to the one thing in my life that had ever been just ... pure pleasure. And I asked him for help. Within three weeks, the flower shop was mine. I turned it from a failing business into a thriving one with his money, and was able to invest from there."

Lana snorted softly. "And what was the catch in all this?"

She shrugged and answered, "Well, at first I'd asked Lionel to give me a job, which he refused. He said he was having marital troubles, which actually meant that Lillian was sick. Lionel could never differentiate the two. But, the long and short of it was that he considered me to be too great a temptation to have in the city, working for him. Turns out he was convinced that if we spent too much time together in one place, he'd end up marrying me, and I'm completely unsuited to being a trophy wife."

"But there had to be another catch. I mean, what was in it for him?"

"A take of the profits. And it allowed him to get a foothold in town, which I didn't mind. He had his eye on the plant as a good place to expand his company, and I knew that, if he ever did buy it, the economy of the town would be expanded. So, we went along, him helping my business, and me helping make his presence in town known, when, finally, after a few years, he came down to buy the plant."

"And then the meteor shower happened," Lana said.

"Yes. And you became the only family I had left." She shifted in her seat. "Lana, I don't want you to think that I don't love you. I do. I don't regret the years I have spent raising you."

"I believe you. I just .... Nell, why are you using Dean? And Lionel? Why? You're making money, we're fine and comfortable. I've never wanted to go to an expensive college. Surely we have enough to Kansas State. Or Metropolis University."

The look on Nell's face was indescribable. And she wouldn't meet Lana's eyes again. Licking her lips, she said slowly, "Lana, honey, the money I make, I invest. For me. For my retirement and future and .... I made the deal with Lionel so I wouldn't have to give up any part of my life. Or the idea of my future. Parents give up a portion of their life for their children, to save for their kid's college and to buy them clothes and food and medical and dental and ... well, everything. When I got you, I wasn't making enough to support you and still have enough for what I wanted. And I didn't have enough to give you everything I wanted to give you. So, I made a deal with Lionel. First I asked to move away, partly to get a foothold in the corporate world, and also so we could be by good doctors for you. Good psychologists. But Lionel didn't trust me."

"Why not?"

Nell looked away. "Because, at the time, I was pregnant. By a business rival who I'd been in negotiations with to become his personal assistant. I was going to tell him all I knew about Lionel, and he was going to give me a job with a salary large enough to take care of both our needs. But when he found out about my pregnancy, he broke off all contact."

A tear escaped from Lana's eyes and she wiped it away with a shaky hand. "I thought you said you couldn't have children."

"And I can't. It was part of the deal I made with Lionel. He wanted to make sure it wasn't going to happen again, and he wanted to ensure the fact that I could never ... never get pregnant by him and use the baby against him. So, when I got the abortion, I also had my tubes cut and tied." She said her without emotion, her face stone, tears glistening in her eyes.

Lana's heard wrenched. No matter how confused and angry she was, no matter how stupid she felt that Nell had been, the violation of it all seared her. "Nell," she whispered. She slid off the chair and onto the couch so she could take Nell's hand.

With her free hand, Nell wiped her eyes. Then she squeezed Lana's hand, smiling in self-deprecation. "Yes, I know. It was a stupid, stupid decision, but I was desperate." She sniffed again as more tears fell. "At least I got money for it. I mean, I wasn't completely stupid."

"I don't think you're stupid, Nell," Lana said softly. She rubbed the back of Nell's hand. "I think you were young."

Nell laughed, but it looked more like she was crying. "Sometimes, those two words mean the exact same thing." She swallowed and shook her head. "Lionel also paid off the house so we wouldn't lose it. And he bought the Talon, flat out, and gave me ownership. He got a healthy cut of the profits, of course, but I didn't have to worry about leasing the space and the payments. And, if I ever decided to sell it, the money would come to me and him, not the bank. But, most importantly of all, Lionel gave me enough money for you to pay for everything for you. Anything that your parents money and insurance couldn't cover, he did. So I was free to invest and spend and buy and save and do whatever I wanted with my money without having to worry about it affecting you." She smiled tentatively.

"That's wonderful, Nell," Lana said a little woodenly. "But I'm failing to see how your life not going anywhere is his fault. I mean, I'm sure he made it pretty clear what he expected from you in exchange."

"He did, although there were times when he was very ambiguous about what was going to happen in the future. He'd start making promises, or what sounded like promises, to move us to California or New York or _somewhere_. He'd talk about taking me on trips, or getting me a job, or ... or something. But it never came to fruition. And, for the most part, I was okay with that. The only time I thought about breaking the agreement was when you were about seven, I think. There was a man, Jack Stromstad. He was kind, caring, handsome. And he had money. Not a lot, but enough, and I thought that maybe it would be enough. To give up my ambitions, to leave Smallville, and to be a family."

"What happened?"

She sighed and shook her head. "Lillian died. And Lionel made some grunting noises to me about maybe moving to the city. I swear he thought to marry me, but it was all a lie. Instead, he started gathering mistresses around him, rich ones, except for me. By then, Jack was gone. So you and I stayed. I went into real estate for a little bit so Lionel could purchase the land to put his castle on while making me a tidy profit. And we've continued on this way."

"So what's changed?"

Nell shrugged and sighed. "I'm tired of Smallville. I'm tired of waiting for an opportunity that's never going to happen. And I'm tired to having to rely on a man who will never love me, never really respect me. Besides, staying here doesn't seem to be good for you. You're stagnating, Lana. Moving backwards in time. Yes, the Talon is a good job and a worthy pursuit, but I don't want you to become tied to this town before you see what's out there. I think moving to Metropolis would be good for you."

"But that's not what I want. I want to stay here."

"I'm sorry, honey, but what you want isn't what you need."

Lana inhaled sharply. "You're not the one who should dictate what I need."

"Who should. Perhaps Martha Kent?" Nell said harshly. "I've heard that you wish that she'd adopted you."

"How ..."

"It's a small town, Lana, you can't say _anything_ without it getting back," Nell interrupted. "This is the other problem: you mooning over the Kent boy and the Sullivan girl as if they were the pinnacle of society."

Oh, God, Nell knew. Oh Godohgodohgod.

Lana took a gasping breath. "W-what do you mean? Mooning after them?"

Nell rolled her eyes. "Yes. You obviously dumped Whitney, hoping that Clark would make a move for you, and, for some reason, probably because he's queerer than a three dollar bill, he never asked you out. And I don't know _what_ the deal with you and Chloe Sullivan is, except you have a little girl crush on someone with bad fashion sense and no social life."

Okay, maybe she _didn't_ know. Or, maybe she was just in denial, but since she was already scorning Clark so hard, Lana wasn't exactly ready to come out to Nell and tell her the truth. For a moment, she wished fervently that the Kents were her parents, so she could just be honest, and then realized that that sort of thinking was the kind that had gotten her in trouble in the first place.

She tried to compose herself, wondering when the conversation had gotten turned from Nell's mistakes to Lana's life. "Chloe and Clark are my friends, and they're ten time more interesting than anyone else at that school. And I didn't break up with Whitney to try and date Clark. Whitney and I broke up because we weren't going anywhere, and we both knew it. It was mutual."

"Whatever it was, you've been unhappy since last May. You haven't talked to me about it, but I can tell, so I think this is the best thing for us. A fresh start."

"With someone else's money," Lana said bitterly.

Nell had the decency to look a little uncomfortable, but simply said, "The way I see it, we're due."

Lana swallowed hard as tears slipped from her eyes. "No."

"Excuse me?" Nell turned and looked at her.

"No. If you marry Dean, I won't go anywhere with you. I don't want his money."

Nell gave a sort of half laugh, looking shocked. "Lana, if I don't marry Dean, Lionel make sure I have nothing. He won't let me have a life outside of Smallville, and, after the way he's been since he accident, I don't know if he'll let me have a life _in_ Smallville."

Lana bit her thumb and worried it a moment. "I understand that, Nell. But, then, why don't we move somewhere else? Like California or something? Maybe if we go far away, he won't care."

"No. We're moving to Metropolis, and I'm marrying Dean."

"Then I'm staying here. In Smallville, without you."

Nell laughed bitterly. "What are you going to do, Lana? You're a teenager. There's nothing you can do."

Lana rose from her seat, her eyebrow raised. "Yes, there is. I'm not going to go, Nell, and if I have to run away, I will. I'm not going to compromise myself because your values are ... are ... are fucked up."

Nell's mouth fell open, and Lana had to fight to maintain eye contact. They stared at each other a long moment before Nell finally said, "Very well. You find a way to stay in town where you'll be safe, and if I approve, you can stay. If not, you'll go to boarding school. Is that acceptable?"

She thought a moment and then nodded. "Yes. I guess."

"Good." Nell rose and picked up her magazine. "If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go to be now." She swept from the room, leaving Lana alone.

Lump in her throat, Lana sank down onto the couch and folded in on herself. She stayed like that for a very long time.

* * *

No matter how much time he spent in hospitals, they continued to terrify Lex. Or, perhaps they terrified him because of the amount of time he spent in them. It was hard to say. And, as far as he could tell, only a handful of people knew how unsettled he was when inside the sterile walls. He had his mask, of course, his armored protection from the world's scrutiny. And it helped.

But not really today. Because he'd only turned for a second, and then Ryan was on the floor, dying.

"Lex!" Clark called, jogging up the hall.

Lex looked up, trying to stop himself from rubbing his hands over and over on his slacks. "Hey." He licked his lips. "Have you seen Ryan yet?"

Clark nodded. "Yeah. I have." He reached out and gently touched Lex's shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Lex said. Then he shook his head. "No." It came out as a whisper.

Clark took Lex's arm and dragged him into a nearby empty room. After he closed the door, he pulled Lex to him in a fierce embrace.

Lex melted into it with a sigh. He was so tense his muscles ached. Combine that with the general and normally pleasant soreness from his activities with Clark the night before, and the headache he'd given himself from worry, and Lex was about ready to attempt to check himself into the hospital. Or to break into the supply closet for some morphine. He knew how much he needed to block out what was going on, and it was a little frightening how much he wanted to do it.

"What's going on?" Clark whispered in his ear. Lips pressed against Lex's temple, and he felt rather than heard Clark call him 'baby', a sure signal that Lex looked about as bad as he felt.

"Nothing." Lex rested his forehead against Clark's shoulder, pressing into him tight.

Strong hands caressed his back. "Something is bothering you."

"Ryan's dying."

"Maybe."

Lex lifted his head, sorrow filling him. "Clark ..."

But Clark obviously didn't want to hear it. "Look, we don't know, okay? Yeah, he's got a tumor, and yeah, it's a bad one, but that doesn't mean that .... well, maybe there's a doctor out there who can help Ryan. Dr. Sutton isn't a brain surgeon; there has to be .... There has to be someone."

"I've been looking," Lex admitted. "Since Ryan told me about the tumor." Then he stiffened. "Shit. Clark, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to tell you like that. I ..." He stopped talking with Clark kissed him gently.

"Ryan told me you knew," he whispered, resting his forehead on Lex's. "He said that he told you, and that he asked you not to tell me. I'm ... frustrated and hurt, but I understand. I'm even a little thankful."

"You are?" Lex said dubiously.

Clark laughed, but it didn't sound very happy. "Yeah. I mean, Ryan was right, and yesterday wouldn't have been as much fun if I'd known. I would have spent the day worrying about him, and being sad. Instead, we got to have a good day hanging out. We went places, watched some movies, went to a party. If I'd known, I don't think we could have had as much fun." He tightened his arms and kissed Lex's neck. "Of course, knowing would have helped understand you a little better yesterday."

"What do you mean?"

"You were so anxious and upset. When you told me about the mayor, I thought maybe that was why, but this explains it so much better."

Lex pressed his head again into Clark's chest. "It does?"

Clark kissed Lex's skull. "Yeah. Because you were a lot more tense than just politics should have made you. I just thought it was weird, that's all." He rocked Lex gently. "I'm not going to let him die, you know."

That wasn't good. Lex's stomach squeezed, and he pulled away. "Clark, it might be too late. There might be ..."

He pulled away. "It isn't too late."

"Clark ..."

"It _isn't_! We're going to find a doctor to fix him, okay? You are going to go home and start calling all your contacts."

"Clark ..."

"Just do it!" Clark practically shouted. And then he was gone.

Lex blinked and swayed slightly on his feet. Shit, Clark could move. Especially when he was upset. Lex only hoped that he'd remember to stop before he hit Arizona. He'd be exhausted when he got back, and grief was harder to deal with when you were exhausted.

He sighed and sank down onto the empty bed. God, everything sucked. He wished he still took drugs. The mayor wanted a bribe, he was constantly anticipating a headache, Ryan was dying, and Clark was going to be, quite possibly, suicidally depressed very soon. Why the fuck couldn't they just catch a break?

"Lex?"

Lex looked up. "Yes, Mr. Kent?"

"Are you all right?"

He shrugged as Jonathan entered the room. "I'm fine. How's Ryan?"

"He's having some tests done right now. Dr. Sutton pulled him out of his room to take him down ... well, somewhere." He sat on the bed next to Lex, keeping a healthy distance between the two of them. "You don't look well."

"I'm tired, that's all." He rubbed his eyes. "Clark is upset. He just took off."

Jonathan looked mildly amused. "I know, I felt him breeze past." He shook his head. "This isn't going to be easy on any of us."

Lex shook his head. He felt so tired, and more than a little bit sick. God, he just wanted this all to be _over_.

"Can I ask you to help us with something?" Jonathan said suddenly.

It actually took Lex a moment before he realized that Jonathan had spoken. No, that wasn't exactly correct; he knew that Jonathan had spoken, but the words were so unlike any words he'd ever expected Jonathan to say, they took a moment to sink in. When the did, he blinked, frowned, and looked at him long and hard to make sure it was really him and not some mutant.

"Uh," he stuttered finally, "What?"

Jonathan took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. "I want to look into adopting Ryan. Before .... Before he gets too sick. But if not, I'd like him to know it's in the works. That we care .... No. I want him to know that we love him, and that he's part of our family no matter what the future brings. The only problem is ..." Jonathan hesitated a moment.

Lex cut him off before he could say anything. "It'll probably be awhile before the actual adoption goes through, but I'll contact Michelle Hewitt and see if we could speed things up. Under the circumstances .... It might be the best. And if Ryan does ... Well, special dispensations may be made. I'll look into it, and take care of everything."

The tense lines on his face eased. "Just make sure that it says Kent on the papers, not Luthor."

He laughed. "Trust me, I'm not ready for a kid."

"Good. Clark's too young as it is and, despite what you may think, you're not much older." He put his hand almost gingerly on Lex's back. "Thank you, Lex, for taking care of Ryan," he said, a little awkwardly. "I know that it frightened you."

Lex stiffened and pulled away. "I don't know what you mean."

"Martha told me you spent the ride over in the ambulance with your inhaler in your mouth."

"Pollen. It's windy today. I'm allergic."

Jonathan had a wryly amused look on his face and, looking at it, Lex felt like a little kid who'd done something so stupid his parents were almost proud. "Lex, I'm proud of you," he said, and Lex wanted to smack him. "You're a good man. I know Ryan appreciates that you stayed with him."

"Yeah," Lex said softly. "He woke up, and he was pretty scared. He ..." Fuck. It was getting hard to breathe again. "He ...."

Jonathan put his hand on Lex's shoulder. "I know. I know, Lex, really." He squeezed Lex's shoulder. "Look, I want you to go home, at least for awhile. Martha and I are here, and Ryan's having tests done anyway, so he won't need us for quite awhile. Go home, rest, look into the adoption. But try to relax."

"I'm fine ..."

"Go home, son," Jonathan interrupted. "That's an order."

Holy fuck, Jonathan called him son. Lex looked at him stupidly for a moment, wondering when the hell they'd entered the Twilight Zone.

"Lex, sometimes I think I should say things like that just for the look on your face," Jonathan laughed. He squeezed Lex's shoulder again before releasing it. "Go home."

"Uh, is there anything I can do you for you?" Lex finally managed, his brain moving sluggishly.

Jonathan shrugged. "Some decent coffee would be nice, but don't stress over it."

"I can do coffee. I own coffee."

"Yes, I know." Jonathan turned and started leaving.

"Mr. Kent," Lex said softly.

Jonathan turned at the door. "Yes?"

Lex swallowed hard. "Thanks."

He smiled in that charming way that made Lex understand why Martha gave up Metropolis for a farm in the middle of Smallville--not that Lex found Jonathan in any way attractive. He just understood why _Martha_ did. Anyway, Jonathan smiled and looked a little smug, like he was proud that he could be the bigger man for once, and then he left.

* * *

"Dear Clark,

"I know it's been awhile since I've written you, and I'm sorry. I should have written before, especially in light of my last letter. I'm doing a lot better now, largely thanks to you. Your letter was amazing, man. Absolutely amazing. I carry it with me wherever I go, and it really is like I'm carrying home around. You are a wonderfully talented writer, and I am blessed to have the opportunity of reading your words. I hope that you do plan to continue on with it, and please, please, send me the first issue of your literary magazine. Or, if not the whole issue, at least whatever piece your choose to put in. And feel free to send me any essays you write. You put such personality into your writing, sometimes I feel like you're lying next to me, reading these things. Saying them to me. The only thing missing is the flesh and blood person, which, of course, I miss terribly.

"I know I'm not supposed to say things like that. I'm not supposed to tell you how much I miss you, or that I'm still in love with you. But I can't help it. Fighting's been rough lately, and I'm frightened. It makes me feel more alive to write these things because I know you'll read them and make them real. Keep me real, because I have to confess that there are days when I wonder if I ever really existed outside of the fighting and the sweat and the blood and the smells of war.

"Which leads me to the second reason I'm doing so well: Mark Townsend. Clark, bless you for giving my contact info to him. You have no idea how much it means to me. He's ... amazing. Just like you, he writes me every single week, even though I've only written him once back, and I don't even know if he's received the letter yet. He tells me about things: his life in Smallville, and his life in California, and books he's read, people he's met, and places he's been. I could probably use some of his letters as a travel brochure, he's so detailed. He's fascinating, and every letter leaves me wanting to know more about him. But, more than that, he makes me feel as if I haven't faded from the minds of the people I knew. I mean, I know I didn't really know him all that well. Hell, I can't even remember what he looks like, but ... knowing that I exist in someone else's mind in Smallville, besides you and Lana and Mom, it makes me remember that my life wasn't a dream.

"I think all the guys in my unit have the same fear: the fear of being forgotten. There's something about staring death in the face, and seeing your friends and companions die, that makes you think about things like that. I thought death would scare me, and it does, but the idea of being forgotten, of being such a distant memory that people don't remember your name, terrifies me more. And it's not about doing something important because, honestly, I think becoming your friend and helping you, even in such a small way, through the rape and everything was probably one of the most important things I've done. That's not what I mean. I just ... I want to feel loved. And getting a letter from you and Mark every week, and Lana every few weeks, makes me feel loved. Makes me feel real.

"So, don't forget me. Please. And I swear I will never forget you for the whole of my life. Take care of yourself, and remember that the weight of the world is not yours alone. Sometimes I get the feeling that you believe that, but it's not true. You have your family, and you have Lex. And, if you believe, even in a small way, you have God, whom I am talking to again, by the way. Not regularly, but sometimes.

"And, as always, you have me.

"Yours always.

"Whitney

"P.S. Do you have a picture of Mark, by any chance? Anything. Ask Chloe. Please. It'd just be nice to put a face with his words, you know? And, is he handsome?

* * *

Portable phones sucked. Lana wanted to slam her phone down in righteous anger, and she couldn't. All she could do was press the off button, and somehow, that didn't quite have the same flare as just slamming something down. The emotional satisfaction wasn't there.

"Hey, babe, you look like you're about to kill someone," Chloe said, half jokingly as she sat at the counter of the Talon.

Lana forced herself to smile. "Lex is _insane_."

"Oh?"

"Yes. He wants me to send a pot of coffee to the hospital every hour."

Chloe frowned. "What's so insane about that?"

"I'm not done," Lana said. "He wants a pot of fresh coffee every hour. He also wants an actual sugar bowl--not packets--and cream in a thermos, which I'll have to buy. Cold cream. Whole cold cream, because Mr. Kent likes his coffee really creamy. Mrs. Kent, however, not so much, but she does use Half and Half in the Talon, so he wants me to _go to the store and buy her_ half and half. Apparently what we have here isn't special enough."

"Um," Chloe interrupted. "How does he know how they take their drinks?"

Lana blinked, a little thrown. "You're kidding, right?"

"Uh, no?"

"Chloe, he knows how everyone takes their drinks. And I mean everyone. I've listened to him do it when he's here helping me close. He's got everyone's drink order and how they take it memorize, and, if they change their drinks a lot, he can usually predict what they are going to order after looking at them a few seconds."

Chloe looked amazed. "What is he? Sherlock Holmes?"

She shrugged. "I think he's a genius who can get bored out of his mind at times. He happens to notice things in detail the rest of us don't, and it comes out sometimes"

"Right." She nodded and brushed hair off her face. "I forget how smart he is, sometimes. So, is that all? I mean, for driving you crazy?"

"Chloe, I haven't even begun," Lana said, a smile curling her lips. The truth was, as exasperating as it all was, she was a little bit amused. "He gave me the order for the coffee, and then said that everything needs to be refilled every hour, and because Lex wants them to stay at the right temperature, he also wants me to buy like a cooler or something. This is going to have to start every hour on the hour, and if the person delivering the coffee is late, they're fired."

She looked instantly skeptical. "I can't believe he'd really do that. I mean, before I knew him, I might think so, but now?" Chloe shook her head

"He won't," Lana assured her. "I mean, he says he will, and, right now, he probably thinks he will, but he wouldn't. Especially since he's relying on the Kents to tell him if we're late, since he's at home." Lana sighed as Chloe laughed at the idea of the Kents ratting out a delivery person. "I wouldn't be so short with him," she said, "especially considering the circumstances, but he's been driving me crazy all week. First he went on this whole kick where he's decided to be nice to me, and it's just ... Well, then this morning he comes in with a piece of paper--confidential, mind you--that he wanted me to sign."

Chloe gave her a slightly alarmed look. "Like a contract?"

"Sort of. Only all it said was that I understood I was not to sell him anything with caffeine in it anymore unless I heard from his doctor."

Her face froze for a moment before Lana watched in amusement as a gambit of expressions flew across Chloe's face, from confused, to sympathetic, and finally settling on abject horror. "Oh, God, you're kidding me," she moaned. "You have to be kidding me; Lex without caffeine?"

"I know. It's just about as bad as imagining you without any." Lana laughed at Chloe's expression and batted her eyelashes. "Apparently his doctor wants to try and get Lex to relax a little more, and she thinks cutting the caffeine intake will help."

"Okay, that's fine, but why the paper signing? I mean, why doesn't he just come in and order what he wants?"

She shrugged. "I guess he's afraid that I'll just bring him a drink without waiting for him to order. I've been doing that a lot lately, just because he's gotten so predictable. I mean, he drinks coffee every morning on his way to work with one and a half sugars and, like, a half drop of cream, and since he comes in at the same time every morning, I just have it waiting for him. Then he usually gets vanilla lattes with two pumps of vanilla after he leaves the plant in the afternoon. Usually I wait for him to order that, but he's generally in a rush on Tuesdays, so that, too, I'll have waiting for him. And, when he's in a really bad mood, I'll take him a cafe au lait no matter what he's been drinking before that because he loves them so much."

The look on Chloe's face was indescribable. Well, no it wasn't. She looked jealous, only like she was trying to cover it up by acting as if Lana had grown another head or two. "You know Lex pretty well."

"Yes, Chloe, that's partly because I watch him, and partly because we're sleeping together after the Talon closes every night," she said sharply. She really wasn't in the mood to deal with games right now. She loved Chloe, she did, but ever since Chloe and Sydney had broken up, Lana had felt ... weird around her. The possibility was too great, and her life was too messed up to be comfortable.

At least Chloe had the decency to look a little shamefaced. "Sorry. I just ..."

"I know all your drinks too, Chloe," Lana said softly, relenting. She touched the back of Chloe's hand. "And I can always tell what you're going to order."

Chloe turned her hand over and took Lana's. "So. What's Lex going to do once you leave?"

Heart leaping into her throat, Lana said, "I, uh, actually, I might not be leaving."

Her fingers tightened around Lana's. "What? Did Nell change her mind?"

"No. It's a little more complicated than that." Lana took a deep breath and then explained everything she'd learned in the past few days. As much as she wanted to look away, she forced herself to keep looking at Chloe, trying to gauge her reaction to everything. Ever since she woke up this morning, Lana had been plagued by doubt, almost convincing herself that she was being stupid. That the only reason she was making a big deal about this was because she didn't want to leave, not out of any moral objections.

Chloe, sadly, wasn't giving her anything, though. Lana couldn't tell what she was thinking, and the more she talked, the more unsure of herself she got, until finally she stopped and said, "I'm being stupid, aren't I?"

"No, I don't think so." Chloe gave her hand a quick squeeze. "She's putting you in a really uncomfortable position. I just .... What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I thought about trying to get emancipation, but that can take up to a year, and by that time, I'll already be eighteen. I'd like to just move into the apartment above the Talon, but I don't think Nell would think that was such a good idea. I actually think that Lex would help me out, but I don't want to .... I really do hate to say I don't want to get involved with a Luthor, but I don't."

"I don't blame you. Not that I don't think Lex is a great guy, or that I think he'd do what his father did, but personally? I don't want you in the same house as Lionel Luthor. I don't even want Lex in the same house as him. That man .... Every time Clark says he's gone over, I feel physically ill. I don't think I could handle you over there." She smiled wanly and squeezed Lana's hand again. "Plus, if Nell's troubles came from relying on rich men who promised to make her life comfortable, than you aren't proving anything by relying on a rich man."

Lana smiled faintly, tears building in her eyes. "So what do I do?"

Chloe thought a moment, before a funny expression wrinkled her nose. "Uh, I may have an idea."

* * *

It was late afternoon by the time Lex was finally free enough to return to the hospital. Research on good doctors was done, and Clark was speeding across the US to catch Dr. Burton, the negative ad about Mayor Tate had been ordered and would be ready in a few days, and anything pressing needing Lex's attention was done. Which meant he had no more excuses.

Lex stopped outside Ryan's room and took a deep breath. He hadn't seen the Kents when he'd gotten there, and while the thought of spending an hour or so looking for them was tempting, Lex knew he had to go in and see Ryan now.

He exhaled slowly and, feeling a little calmer, opened the door to Ryan's room. "Hey," Lex said softly.

Ryan looked up from his comic. When he saw Lex, his face broke out into a grin. "Hey." He shifted in bed and sat straighter.

Lex studied him for a moment. The kid looked exhausted. There were circles under his eyes, and he was pale. But, he was all but beaming right now, and Lex had to wondered where the belligerent, angry kid who was afraid of him the other day had gone. "How are you feeling?" he asked, moving closer to the bed.

"Okay. Tired, but better than this morning, I guess."

"Good. I, uh, brought you some comics."

Ryan smiled and took them from him. "Thanks. But Clark kind of beat you to it."

He smiled and shook his head. "Well, maybe, but I bet that Clark didn't bring you number 66."

Oh, _wow_ , so that's why people had kids. When Lex mentioned the rare issue of Warrior Angel, Ryan's face lit up and his eyes went huge. It made Lex's heart twist, and even chastising himself didn't help.

"That's the rarest issue there is!" Ryan breathed.

"That's because it's the one where Devilicus turned against Warrior Angel." He handed the comic to Ryan and, after a moment's hesitation, sat down next to him.

Ryan immediately scooted over to their shoulders were pushed together. "Weren't they best friends?" he asked.

"Once upon a time, yes."

"What happened?"

Lex leaned back against the wall. "Well, they, uh, ruled the Guardian Realm together until Devilicus told Warrior Angel that they should join forces and conquer humanity. Together, no one would be able to stop them."

"Oh." Ryan frowned and looked down at the comic. "Were they gay too?"

He snorted, and then laughed outright, unable to keep it back. "Um, well, I don't think it was intended to be that way," he said when he could speak. "Why do you ask?"

Ryan shrugged, his cheeks pink. "Dunno. Just, you said ruled together, you know? And it made me think of like king and queen, except they're both guys. Then I thought maybe you liked it so much because they're gay. That's all."

"That wasn't what drew me to it, no. I just like the idea of an alien protecting humanity."

"Is that why you love Clark? Because he's an alien who protects people?"

He shook his head. "No. I love him because ... He's Clark. And we just make sense together. I .... Ryan, it's hard to explain love. And not because you're young," he said quickly when Ryan's face fell. "It's just hard to explain in words. Clark and I fit together in ways that don't have to do with him being an alien, or us both being male. It probably would have worked if one of us had been a woman. But it worked out the way it did, and we're happy."

"Oh." Ryan turned the pages of the comic, but he didn't seem to really be seeing it. "Is Clark coming? I haven't seen him since this morning."

"No, he's not. Not for awhile. He's trying to chase down a doctor for you. A specialist."

His face fell and he closed his eyes. "Oh. Okay. 'Cause I was hoping .... I don't know. I guess I was hoping we could do something. Or something."

"Well, maybe we can do something while we wait for him. Nothing too strenuous, of course. I don't want to wear you out."

"I know. I just thought ..." He broke off and sighed. Then he shifted so he could lay his head down in Lex's lap. "I'm tired of being here."

"I know." He ran his hand over Ryan's head; Ryan relaxed visibly at the contact. "I know this isn't any fun, Ryan. But it'll just be for a few more days, and then ..."

"And then I'll be dead," he finished for Lex, a sob in his throat.

Lex froze.

"It's okay. You can say it. I know I'm dying, and it's going to be soon."

God, it was terrible to hear such despair and desperation in a little kid's voice. And while Lex knew that Ryan wasn't exactly little--he was only two or three years younger than Clark--there was something so childlike about him, that is physically pained Lex to hear such adult sorrow from him.

Ryan sniffled quietly and pressed harder into Lex.

He had to say something. Anything. Something to make everything better, and yet Lex's mind was a terrible blank. So, after a moment of terrible silence, he managed, "You'd think after my mother and my nanny, I'd know what to do. What to say. That I'd be good at this." He stroked the soft skin at the nape of Ryan's neck. "I know everything looks hopeless right now, but the doctor Clark is trying to catch specializes in cases like this. So you can't lose hope."

"But I want him to be here right now."

"I know." He caressed Ryan's back in soothing circles.

Waiting was hard, but Lex made himself sit quietly and continued rubbing Ryan's back. He had no idea why Ryan was lying in his lap, again. For a kid who'd professed to dislike him so much, the last few days, he'd been downright cuddly.

Not that Lex was complaining. In fact, he didn't mind as much as he'd thought he would, especially since Ryan was sick. He'd never been good around sick people, probably because he'd so often been sick when he was younger himself. Plus, there'd been the terror of being in the room when his grandparents and mother had died. In many ways, he was phobic about hospitals and illness, and yet, now that he was here, Lex was reluctant to leave Ryan by himself. Especially in this place, even if it meant that Lex might have to be in the room when he passed away.

"Um," he said, clearing his throat. "How's your head?"

"Fine, now that you're here," Ryan said softly.

Lex frowned and puzzled over that statement. The thought occurred to him that maybe all Ryan's questions about gayness weren't just due to his increasing awareness of his own and other's sexuality, but because he had a crush on Lex. And, oh God, that wasn't what he needed.

"What do you mean?" he finally asked.

"I mean, you dim the voices. Make them less loud."

"Really?" Interesting. "All the way, or ...."

"It's like everything is happening in another part of the building. I can vaguely hear mummers, but not a lot. Like being in a motel room a few wings away from the highway."

Lex trailed his fingers through Ryan's hair. "How long has this been going on?"

Ryan shrugged. "Since I got here. I don't remember if you touched me last time, but this time, when you did, it was like the power had gone out." He sighed. "It was nice. It _is_ nice." He snuggled up against Lex.

"I'm glad to help," Lex said, mind light years away as he tried to figure out what was going on. It didn't make sense, that Ryan's telepathy would fuck up Lex's so much, and yet his own telepathy would help Ryan. Unless Lex _was_ messing up Ryan's, only it was a welcome relief. Although, to be honest, the static wasn't as bad as it'd been in the past. It was still there but, as Ryan said, it was muted and barely noticeable unless Lex forced himself to notice it.

So, perhaps this was the intersecting point. Lex had centered himself enough, and gained enough control over his ability so Ryan's wasn't bothering him as much, even as it got more and more out of control. And, perhaps it didn't matter _why_ Lex was helping to shield Ryan's mind, and he should just be grateful for small favors.

Maybe he could be more grateful if he had been religious. Since he wasn't, and couldn't be thankful to any being, Lex just wanted to know _why_ it was working. And the fact that he probably wasn't going to be able to find out was going to drive him crazy. At least it might give him something to do with his grief, though, although Lex didn't think that obsessing over something like this was exactly what Damien had had in mind.

"Lex?" Ryan said suddenly. He rolled onto his back so he could gaze up at Lex through heartbreakingly expressive eyes.

God; when the hell had Lex grown so fucking emotional?

"Yes?"

"Promise me something. Promise me that when I'm dead, you won't forget me. Please?" Tears rose to his eyes.

"Ryan ..."

"I can deal with it, you know. Dying." He swallowed hard and swiped at his eyes. "I mean, I'm a little scared, but ... but I don't want it to be like I never lived. My mom's dead, and my aunt wishes that I'd never existed. The Kents have Clark, and they'll have his kids or ... or whatever, and ... and there will be no reason for them to remember the stray they once took in."

Lex stroked hair away from Ryan's forehead and shook his head. "Ryan, that won't happen. They are always going to remember you. You don't just _forget_ people. They stick with you, even if you try to bury them because the memory is painful. You're always a part of their lives. If you don't think that Clark will remember you, then you're wrong. You've affected his life, Ryan."

"Oh, yeah, how?"

"You gave him the little brother he's always wanted," Lex pointed out. "Last spring was _really_ hard for him. I don't know how much you know about what happened, but you entered his life at a point where he was on a downhill slide. I was desperately worried that he'd never pull out of it, but the few weeks you were with us, he was different. Happy. For the first time, he was a big brother, and someone looked up to him. He could take care of someone in ways that didn't involve just rescuing them from danger." He rested his hand on Ryan's forehead and said, "Clark is not going to forget you. The Kents aren't going to forget you. I'm not going to forget you. You're part of their family."

"You're part of their family too. So we're like brothers." Then he frowned uncertainty. "Right?"

A warm feeling spread through Lex, and he couldn't help but smile. "Yeah. We're brothers too."

Ryan smiled and sat up, embracing Lex tightly. "I'm so scared, Lex," he whispered. "I don't want to die. It's just not fair." He started crying, thin body trembling hard.

A lump rose to Lex's throat, and he shook his head. "No, it's not. I .... Ryan .... God, Ryan, what am I supposed to do?" he asked in an anguished whisper.

Ryan cried harder, not answering.

They sat there for several minutes. Lex rocked him slowly, because staying still was making him feel ill. Every muscle in his body was clenched hard against the sorrow and fear racing through him. How was he supposed to fix this? He hadn't even been able to get a doctor for Ryan; he had to rely on Clark for that. And now Lex was here, out of his element and frightened out of his mind. He was going to fail, and this kid was going to die.

The door creaked open and Martha came in. "Hey," she mouthed to Lex as she crossed the room. She looked tired. Her hair was slightly disheveled, and there were tired lines around her eyes and mouth. There was sorrow in her eyes, but she visibly pushed is away, sitting on the bed on the other side of Ryan.

"Hey, baby. Come here," she said gently, pulling Ryan to her.

Ryan fell back, but kept his grip on Lex. Trying to accommodate him, Lex shifted over until he was right next to Martha, Ryan across both their laps.

"What's going on?" Martha asked, looking at Lex.

He shrugged. "For some reason, I keep the noise level down in Ryan's head. We're not sure why."

She smiled slightly. "I'm glad something works." Then she pulled Ryan's head away from Lex's neck and kissed his tear soaked cheek gently. "Can you talk about it?"

Ryan's lower lip trembled. "I'm being dumb."

"No, you're not. You should be angry and upset, Ryan. This isn't fair. You should be scared. It's scary. I'm scared. I don't want to lose you." Her arms tightened around him and she kissed his forehead. "But just know that we're here for you. Jonathan and Lex and Clark and I are here for you. You're not alone."

"Mrs. Kent ..."

"Martha, Ryan," she interrupted. "Call me Martha."

"Martha, I just ... I don't want to die." His body convulsed and he started sobbing again.

Tears rose in Martha's eyes, but Lex watched her blink them away. "No. I don't want you to die either. But, Ryan, believe me when I say, no matter what happens, you are going to live a lifetime with us. I promise." And then Martha gathered him into her arms and held on tight.

Lex sighed and laid his head on Ryan's, wishing there was something he could do. Unfortunately, for now, this was all he could. It just didn't seem enough.

* * *

Sometimes, it was nice having a millionaire for a boyfriend. Not that Clark wouldn't love Lex if he were poor, because he would, but it was nice to, on occasion, not to have to worry about money and just to know that things you wanted could happen.

Like the hot air balloon ride. And the pizza delivered fresh from Metropolis from Ryan's favorite pizza place. And the stack of Warrior Angel comics, the boom box and a stack of CD's, and, well, everything.

The hospital had discharged Ryan for the day without too much trouble. There were precautionary measures taken, of course. Clark had a panic button that he was supposed to press should Ryan have an attack or, well, start to die. And they had to be back to the hospital by six, unless Ryan wasn't feeling well, in which case they had to go back as sooner.

But, so far, nothing had happened. Despite some of the sadness on the balloon ride, it ended up being nice. Peaceful. They'd floated above Smallville for about an hour before setting down near the windmill in Chandler's Field. Then the balloon operator had taken off, leaving Ryan and Clark to their picnic.

The past half hour had been one of those times when words weren't needed. By silent mutual consent, they'd each picked up something to do--Ryan was reading comics and Clark was writing back to Whitney--and changed the CDs whenever the mood struck them.

Ryan's taste in music ran the gambit. Most of what he kept pulling out was older, like from the seventies or something. And a lot of Beatles. Clark thought about asking, but, really, what was the point? It was _good_ music, and they were having fun. Sometimes, you didn't need to worry about the whys, Clark guessed.

Like the why of Whitney wanting Mr. Townsend's picture. Or, rather, why it hurt so much that Whitney _did_ want Mr. Townsend's picture. It was good that Whitney was moving on, right? Even if, as far as Clark knew, Mr. Townsend was straight? Except, the thought had occurred to him that maybe he wasn't, and what if they ended up getting together and ...

What the fuck was _wrong_ with him? Clark loved Lex, not Whitney. What did it _matter_?

He sighed and put his letter away. No words were coming, and his mood was getting ruined anyway.

Ryan looked up from his comic. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just being stupid." He smiled slightly. "How's that issue?"

"Great! I mean, sad, but great. Devilicus really cares about Warrior Angel, you can tell." He frowned thoughtfully. "I think Lex was wrong. I think they were in love. I mean, at least Devilicus was in love with Warrior Angel. I don't know about the other way around."

"You think they're gay?" Clark asked, highly amused.

Ryan nodded seriously. "I mean, people say that you always love the one you hate, right? Or something like that? "

"There's a thin line between love and hate?"

"Yeah, that's it. So, like, maybe Devilicus was in love with Warrior Angel, but when Warrior Angel rejected him, he went bad." He licked his lips. "Don't let that happen with you and Lex."

Clark blinked in surprise and frowned. "Ryan .... That would never happen."

"But you don't _know_. No one knows. Everyone thinks that the person they love is fine, and then they get married and then they get divorced. When Mom married my stepfather, she thought he was a good guy. But he wasn't." Ryan looked at Clark a little frightened. "I'm not saying Lex is a bad person, because he's not. But he's got a lot of anger, and it scares me."

"What do you mean?"

Ryan shrugged. "He's just, underneath all of his emotions and thoughts and stuff, is, like, this pool of anger. It hurts. It hurts _him_ , and, like, I don't know if even he knows how much ... how much pain he's in."

Clark was silent for a moment, thinking about what to say. He knew Ryan was right, and Lex did have a lot of anger. But Lex knew that too, and it was a lot harder to let your anger take control of you when you knew what you had. Lex was constantly fighting against his darker side, and there was no way Clark was ever going to let that side win.

"I won't let it happen, Ryan," Clark finally said. "I know he's got a lot of anger, but he's working on it. And I'm not going to let him, you know. Turn into Devilicus."

"Promise?"

"I swear."

Clark's words seemed to comfort Ryan, because he smiled. "Good. I believe you, Clark. You'd never break your promises."

"No, I won't."

Ryan's smile grew. He set his comic down and turned to the stack of CDs, rifling through them. "This was my mom's favorite!" he exclaimed suddenly. He quickly pulled the CD they were listening to out and replaced it with the new one. A moment later, the song began to play.

 _A long, long time ago_   
_I can still remember when the music used to make me smile_

Clark smiled. "Hey, I know this song. My parents used to play it all the time."

Ryan was bouncing his head in time with the music, cheeks flushed. "Mom _loved_ this song. Any time it came on the radio, she'd turn it up real loud and we'd dance around the kitchen singing it. One time she stopped the car when we were driving, and we sat singing it at the top of our lungs. I mean, I only knew the chorus, and I didn't understand it because I wasn't sure what a levy was, but it was fun." His eyes closed as the chorus came on and he sang softly, "Bye, bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry. And good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing ..." He trailed off, and opened his eyes, looking a little guilty.

His heart stuttered, but Clark forced himself to shrug it off. "It's a great song." He bit his thumb as an uncomfortable silence palled the moment. Then he roused himself, refusing to allow the day to be ruined because of a stupid line from a stupid son. "So, um, have you heard Weird Al's version?"

The cloud disappeared from Ryan's face and his smile returned. "Yeah, I have. _My, my this here Anakin guy, may be Vader some day later, now he's just a small fry_. I like that song. I like a lot of his songs."

"The man's a genius."

"Definitely." Ryan smiled beatifically and then laid back on the quilt beneath them. His head swung from side to side in time with the music, and a look of utter contentment settled over him. For the first time since he'd come back to Smallville, Ryan looked happy, as if he hadn't any cares at all.

And that was what Clark wanted. He was so glad that Ryan couldn't read his mind, because he didn't want Ryan to know how _hard_ this was for him. It wasn't fair to burden him with Clark's feeling about this. All he wanted was for Ryan to find some peace, and some happiness because he'd gone through such hell the past few years. And now he ... well, he deserved some happiness.

"You're thinking too hard," Ryan said, looking at Clark through his eyelashes.

"Sorry." Clark stretched out on the blanket next to Ryan and tried to relax into the music. "I'm trying not to."

"It's okay. I know you're sad. I'm sad too."

"Then how come you seem so happy?"

Ryan did a sort of shrug. "Because today is a good day. And Lex and your mom promised not to forget me, and I know they keep their promises. Just like you. And, I guess I'm not so scared. About dying. I mean, I _am_ scared, but, like, you know how people believe in heaven? Well, maybe my mom's in heaven, and she's waiting for me."

He swallowed hard. "Yeah. Maybe."

"I just .... I hope it doesn't hurt."

Clark pulled Ryan to him and hugged him hard. "It won't hurt," he promised, hoping he was right.

"Good." He hugged Clark back, and then sat up. The first thing he did was hit reset on the CD player so _American Pie_ played again. "I miss my mom. Do you ever miss your birth parents, Clark?"

"I guess sometimes, yeah. When I was younger, I did a lot more, but I don't think I really realized who I was missing." He licked his lips. "Recently, this woman came and tried to tell me that she was my birth mom. It really freaked me out, but, for that one second, I just ... hoped it was her."

Ryan nodded. "Sometimes, I'd think I'd see her. Or I'd hope it was all a dream, or a joke or something. Mom's not really dead, she's just ...."

"Really late?" Clark supplied.

His head snapped up. "Yeah. How did you ..."

"Lana. She said that to me once, that she sometimes felt that way about her parents."

"She misses them so much," Ryan said softly. "And she's confused about a lot right now. I think she could really use a friend."

"I try to be a friend. But things get complicated. Really complicated."

"So uncomplicated them."

"I wish it were that simple."

Ryan sighed. "Me too." He leaned into Clark and closed his eyes. "There's so much I want to tell you. About your friends and just ... stuff. But there's just not enough time."

"It's okay, Ryan." He put his arm around him and squeezed. "I know you want to help, but I'm sure we'll all muddle through if you don't tell me everything. Really. I'll be a good friend to Lana, and to Pete and Chloe. But even knowing their secret, inner thoughts won't make life perfect. So don't beat yourself up over everything, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

Eyes still closed, Ryan smiled gently. He was looking really tired, and Clark was wondering if maybe everything wasn't a good idea, and they should just go back to the hospital, when Ryan sat up, eyes flying open. "People are coming."

Clark's heartbeat picked up immediately and he rose. He knew what to expect, but he was still, suddenly, really nervous.

"Hey, boys," Martha said as she picked her way carefully up the hill. She carried a large white box in front of her. Behind her came Chloe and Lana, both with balloons and cameras, then Pete, Lex, Jonathan, Judge Ross, and someone Clark didn't recognize.

Ryan's eyes went wide and he looked from the people to Clark in disbelief. "Clark?"

"Surprise," he said, a grin breaking out over his face.

Martha set the box on the quilt and pulled Ryan to her, kissing his forehead lovingly. "Ryan, honey, this is Judge Ross and Mr. Pinnell. He's from Metropolis Social Services."

Mr. Pinnell smiled and reached out to shake Ryan's head. "Hello, Ryan. You are one very lucky boy. These people have pulled every string in our legal system to get a speedy adoption for you."

"And, believe me, some people were _very_ persistent," Judge Ross said with an amused glance at Lex.

He smiled serenely back at her.

"You're going to adopt me?" Ryan said as if he still didn't believe what he was hearing. He looked at all the faces around him, a little wrinkle over his forehead, before returning to Martha and Jonathan.

"Of course we are," Jonathan said, putting his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "We're trying to fix a mistake we made last spring." His face turned serious as he said, "We thought you needed family. Well, we were right, we just forgot that sometimes, family is heart and not just blood." He squeezed Ryan's shoulder. "Ryan James, would you do us the honor of becoming a Kent?"

Ryan's face lit up and he turned into Martha, hugging her close. A moment later, he pulled away and turned to Jonathan. "Thank you so much," he said softly.

Jonathan pulled Ryan to him and held on tightly. "Of course, Ryan. We love you."

"We do, baby," Martha whispered. She kissed the top of his head.

"Can I call you Mom?" Ryan asked.

"Do you want to?"

He thought about it for a long moment, and then nodded. "I do. I think my mom would understand, you know? All she ever cared about was me being happy."

"Then you can call me whatever you want to Ryan." She stepped closer to Ryan and Jonathan and put her arms around them.

"You okay?" Lex asked softly. He touched Clark on the back gently.

Clark closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. "Yeah, I am. I just ..." His throat closed up. "I'm going to miss him so much."

"I know." Very briefly, Lex rested his forehead on Clark's neck. "I will, too."

"Thank you for doing this. It means a lot. To all of us."

"I was just glad I could do something. I've felt so ... so powerless lately. This let me do something. Let me be useful."

Clark reached behind him and took Lex's hand. He laced their fingers together as they watched Jonathan and Martha sign the papers. Judge Ross and Mr. Pinnell added their signatures, and then hands were shook all around.

"Let's get a family picture," Chloe said after the papers were signed. She and Lana had been taking pictures all though the signing, but now Chloe maneuvered Jonathan, Martha, and Ryan together in front of the windmill. "Clark, get over here."

Lex squeezed his hand and released Clark so he could join his family. He took his position besides his mother, hand on Ryan's shoulder and smiled for the camera. After both girls had taken the picture, he looked at Lex.

"Lex needs to be in one, too," he said, gazing into his love's eyes. "If it weren't for him, none of this would have happened."

"Yeah, Lex, come here!" Ryan seconded. He beamed up at Clark, the tired pall of before banished in bright happiness.

Lex's ears turned red, but, after a few coaxing words from Martha, joined the family.

"Thanks, squirt," he said softly.

"You're my brother, too, Lex. It's not a family picture without you."

Clark grinned as Lex's cheeks borrowed color from his ears. Behind Ryan's back, he linked pinkies with Lex as Chloe took the picture.

"Okay, that's good," she said after snapping about five times. "Now I need candid shots. Break out the cake!"

A half hour later, the cake had been mostly decimated by then. The elder Kents talked with Judge Ross and Mr. Pinnell while Chloe, Lana, and Pete fought over which CD to play. Lex, Clark and were Ryan were sitting on the edge of the quilt, licking icing off the edges of the cake and cake box.

"Admit it," Clark said. "You knew about this before."

Ryan laughed. "I've known since Jon .... Since Dad asked Lex." He smiled at Lex. "Even Lex had a hard time hiding it, and I can hardly read his mind."

Lex cuffed Ryan gently. "Thanks for keeping the surprise, Ryan. It means a lot."

He looked around the quilt, a small smile of satisfaction crossing his face. "Yeah, well, I'd do anything for my family."

* * *

  



End file.
